Thursday, 21 May 2009

when your heart is an empty room

i slept all evening yesterday,from after 6 to around midnight,which is when i basically went to bed.i don't know why i feel so sad and why my heart feels so heavy lately.i am very happy with my lot in life but every so often (and it's becoming a lot more often) i have a purge of negative feelings.i pretty much vomit them all out and it's horrible.why do i always store past grievances and sadness in my head,and then spew them out in the nearest available argument?i hate it.but i always do it.i don't know why i am so hateful to people i love.i don't even mind doing the dishes and tidying the flat up but i always bring it up.i don't need to be romanced daily,but i bring it up.i don't care how many friends mikee has,or who they are,but i bring it up.i'm a fucking last night,lying there i just wanted to make things up and have a nice night.the bad atmosphere made me feel like i couldn't breathe and i had a horrible taste in my mouth.big sigh.and here at work today,i had a supervision session with my manager,and i felt like total shit for being honest with her and telling her of the negativity i am finding in my job lately.i kinda felt like i just came across a bitch.i give up being honest,i'm just gonna keep it all to myself from now gets you nowhere.


  1. oh my darling, there is nothing wrong at all with having boughts of negativity! please dont think that at all... we all have our demons and they all surface.
    you might not think you need to be romanced etc, but it is on our nature. we all want to feel loved (not that mikee doesnt show you that)... the point i;m trying to make, is that maybe you're feeling he could be doing more for you, without you havig to say something? maybe the impending SanFran situation and lack of his forward movement, over you know what, is having a far deeper effect than you thought?
    i shall be online for a few more hours before i have to go out, but please come on... and dont feel that by you being honest about any situation it's a negative or bitchy thing. ever. be prou to be who you are :D
    i love you xxxxxx