Okay, so that's nowhere nearly as catchy as the original song, but I have infact worked 9-8 today (well, it's 6.22pm now so I am still technically working). So, I am having a quick break from writing letters and emails and such so I can attempt a half-decent blog post.
I haven't felt as inclined to blog lately, it has been a weird old time. The last few weeks I have been napping for hours at a time almost every evening... and I always wake up feeling so icky and horrible. I tend to blame it on my antidepressants, but I'm on a lower dosage now and didn't have this before. It gets to me a little as it is a very 'unnatural' feeling sleep, but I'm hoping it's no big deal. However, the other day I had these weird muscle spasms in my upper right arm, and you could even see these spasms... was so gross! So, as with everything (possible illnesses included) I googled the symptoms and came up with ME. Now, I wouldn't call myself a hypochondriac, because I don't make up symptoms and I feel this notion I have is more deep rooted than that... What notion? Well, sometimes I feel like inside I would like to have an illness. Now, even as I write this, it disgusts me... and I totally do not want an illness, not at all. But sometimes I feel like maybe I am almost 'owed' one seen as so many people around me get bad health. Does anyone know what I mean? It's a weird feeling I can't really explain, but I don't like it, not one bit. Maybe it's a way of my natural depression peeping through? I don't know what to think, but if I was ill I would be just as upset and sad and frightened as the next person.
Anyway, back to ME... I have been tested for this before, and for Aenemia and come up fine. But the symptoms of ME... chronic fatigue, muscle weakness (I was just saying to Mikee the other day, my arms feel so week and puny, they ache when I simply lift my arms above my head to tie my hair back...) and memory loss struck a chord with me. The mention of memory loss really knocked me for six, as I struggle so much with my memory in my driving lessons, and I have never been this way. My brain is blank when it comes to manouevres, even if I did them only a few days ago. So I may ask to have some blood tests again (though I hate having them, I hate needles), though I don't think it will say that I do have ME. But in a way it would be good to be able to pinpoint why I am so tired and lethargic, as I am really stumped for an explanation... I work full-time sure, but I don't go out much socially, I don't do an active job (it's admin/office work) and I sleep fine usually at night. Plus I'm vegan, and although I'm still quite a 'junk food vegan', I eat so much more healthily now as opposed to before, and back then I wasn't half as tired and zombified. Hmmm...
Besides sleeping and self-analyzing my health, I have been very busy (especially this week) with organising my fairs. I now have 5 events coming up in the next couple of months! It's exciting but tiring and I'm hoping they will all be successful. It does feel good to know that I am actively pushing myself to be more ambitious and hardworking. At the end of the day, I may not make money from organising the fairs, but at each fair I will be selling so creating more outlets for selling Santa Macabre, and hopefully creating more interest and more money in the process. I have so much to make for all these additional events though so once I get paid this month it's all systems go!
How is everyone doing by the way? You all make me smile daily with your blogs and daily experiences, and for that I am truly grateful!