Saturday 11 July 2009

it's very dark outside today

i do like it as i have nowhere to go and no money until payday,so it makes me feel less lame staying in alone pretty much all weekend.for some strange reason there's a random sports event going on at the youth club/basketball court across the road.i think i may be getting to be a grumpy old woman before my time because as soon as i could hear their hiphop music blaring out on the street i started thinking of what bastards they are for doing so.when in fact it's for a good cause (by the looks of it) and it's not too bad if i just have my own music on a little louder to block it out.i think i'm just turning into a grump.i'm a right little worrier lately.i think it's mainly about my colcoscopy coming up,maybe it's making me feel super sensitive.i keep thinking there's other things wrong with me,and i can occasionally feel my ocd tendencies creeping back.it actually gets a little tiresome trying to resist those thoughts.i seem to love making things more complicated for myself!i've been getting myself stressed about my driving lessons this week too.i just keep thinking of how much i seemed to mess up last lesson,and it's really got to me.i'm definitely keeping at them,i just hope my progress gets a little better.i am reading up on the highway code,but can't seem to get some of it to sink in,like stopping and thinking distances for example.it's stressing me out and i wish i wouldn't let it!

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