Tuesday, 10 November 2009

crippling anxiety/fear?

i'm driving myself crazy.my anxiety is creeping up on me more and more lately.like for example,today.i'm still feeling ill.whenever i eat anything lately,i feel like i need to go straight to the bathroom.as icky as it sounds,i can't keep anything in.so,basically i think i need to reschedule my driving lesson tonight,for when i'm better,as i don't wanna be in that situation when i'm driving...and i feel pretty flaky anyway.

now here's the thing.my mind keeps telling me when i cancel things, 'you can do it,you're just finding an excuse not to because you're a little nervous'.but i'm not crazy,i KNOW i feel under the weather and have since friday.but my anxiety beats me up over it.and i think: i'm letting my instructor down.i won't pass my driving test.why is it taking me so long to learn to drive?why aren't i better at it?all these thoughts,but i know that i will pass eventually,if i keep the lessons up.and i know that i'm not really fit to do tonights lesson.but my mind finds cancelling so stressful...and...gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.i'm driving (excuse the unintentional pun) myself insane.

my instructor don is pretty easy going,and i know he would just say "relax,chill out!" (weird when he does,as he's like a 'dad' type person,feels funny to hear him say it!) but my anxiety,as usual,wins.i wish i didn't think and feel like this,it's not such a big deal.but tonight i will feel shitty for cancelling,and i know i have the power NOT to feel shitty,but it feels like a struggle.

i hate anxiety and nerves.

"You know, our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things when they're consumed by stress and anxiety." dr. cohen (garden state)


  1. Just be strong! Decide what you want to do and just do it, to much judging of the mind leads to wrong decisions.

    If you feel sick and know you're really sick, then just cancel and forget about it. Wish you a speedy recovery.

  2. thank you so much!i was going to make myself go anyway and try push the ill feeling away,but i came back to work and realised i just didn't have the head on for it tonight...
    :( but your words mean a lot,and make a lot of sense too,to me!xxx

  3. You're welcome! I'm happy I could help. Take care of yourself, make yourself a nice cup of tea and just chill on a sofa. xxx

  4. that's the best advice i've ever heard:D thank you xxxx

  5. You're welcome! I will try to visit your blog as frequently as I can and maybe we can help each other through life ;).