has been a little shitty.i sat here just now,trying to think of a less negative way to describe it.but to hell with it,shitty is probably the plainest way to describe it!it has been shitty for a few reasons:
i knew my mom was ill last week (i can usually tell as she won't answer her phone if she's feeling ill),and was really worried and upset.my mom has very severe rheumatoid arthritus and has since her early twenties.despite having both elbow joints and her knee replaced,she is still,some days,racked with pain.other days,there is pain,but no so bad.i finally got through to her today,and amongst discussions of many other things,she told me how bad it was.on friday she was in bed all day.she finally got an appointment with the doctor late friday afternoon,and they gave her a steroid injection,which always helps for a little while.she said she was in so much pain,she could barely speak to the doctor.i know how bad my mom's illness can be.she lives alone,and lives a very solitary life.this kills me.this literally breaks my heart,over and over.it is too complicated to go into,it spans many years and many emotions.but the thought of my mom on friday,in bed and alone,wracked with pain...it is almost too much for me to think about.am i being melodramatic?and do you think this kind of subject is too private to air on a 'public' internet site?i do wonder sometimes...but the followers on my blog...as silly as it sounds,i feel a connection of some sort to you all.and most importantly,i want this blog to be totally honest.and this is what today has been like.
my twin brother has recently left his long term girlfriend of almost six years.it has been a messy and painful split,from what i know (of course you never really know unless you are one of the people in the relationship).he is having trouble now with his ex-girlfriend,related to money,and rent for what was their home together.i spoke to my twin earlier,and he sounds stressed out.it's not nice to hear.and there's nothing i can do,and nothing he would let me do.it is not my place.it is between my brother and his ex-girlfriend.the whole situation is also having effects on all of us,his family,we of course want him to be happy,and also feel sadness for his ex-girlfriend,who has said she did not want this to happen.relationships ending are painful,long before you bring money and other basic issues into it.
mikee and i argued today,over a stupid case of him not doing his share of the household chores.this may sound silly,but it does get to me sometimes.especially as it means i feel a sort of resentment,and i am also very busy at the moment trying to get ready for the xmas fair.so to save this resentment building up,and me hiding it,i have tried to reasonably sort out some kind of 'sharing' when it comes to cleaning and tidying.for some reason ( i say this,as mikee is not stupid,and is not overly untidy) mikee just refuses to do his bit sometimes.and it gets to me.i feel like a mug for putting up with it.so we argued.and we haven't spoke since near to 5pm.it's almost 11.30pm now.i don't know about any of you,but that's a long time to keep an argument up,and sit in a room silently with the person you do actually adore.hating it right now.
and lastly,my nan.my dad said she is doing a lot better,and i even said hello to her on the phone.she sounded a lot better,it was almost like the old times,where i would ring her every other day to chat to her.i miss those times.i just hope my nan continues to be well.
apologies if my last few posts have been long and rambling,that's what happens sometimes i think when you're really writing from the heart.
i'm now in bed,with the two boys curled up to me.i am so grateful for what i have.but i think it is only normal to have super shitty days!
hope you are all well and happy :) xxxx