Monday, 4 January 2010

26

i don't feel much different,but i thought i would attempt to write a post looking back on the past few years!not sure how it'll turn out,but here goes.

17.going out.
these were good times (despite the lack of style...and fringe!eugh,haha).i started to go out with friends a lot,and met a lot of cool people.we may have all lost touch,but i look back and feel nothing but fondness at these memories.

18.the start of a new chapter.
without meaning to sound melodramatic,i feel sad looking at this photo.because it was not long before i met the person that would take up the next 5 years of my life.i don't even want to go into it,or mention his name,but it all seemed to go rotten.i got kicked out of my home,i ended up living with this person,and it feels like i was under this spell.there was a lot of mental and physical abuse.and any good times it seemed i had with him,looking back,they just have a bitter taste now.i wish i could take it all back,but i know life isn't like that,and i would not change where i am now for the world.actually scratch that,i would change a few things,but only things that could improve life!

21ish.work and myspace.
not a lot to say really.i was working as assistant manager at a music store,and did so for a few years (in various stores,all music though).and i finally discovered myspace!this was one of the first myspace poses pictures i took!

23.i met mikee.i had been in a long and very painful relationship,and after a very traumatic and messy break-up,i met mikee.i'm not ashamed to admit i have met a few of my boyfriends online,i guess as i haven't been overly social since my teenage years,it makes sense this is how i've got to know people.mikee messaged me first,which straightaway made a change for me,i'm usually the person who makes the first move.anyway,to cut a long story short,i went to meet him in cardiff,as i had an interview (for an apprentice position,which i didn't get,but i think that it's good i didn't.wrong place,wrong time!) at a tattoo studio in newport (close to cardiff).we spent the next 6 months or so dating,which involved a lot of travelling back and forth to cardiff every week,but it was so much fun and i was falling for him in a big way.eventually i moved to cardiff and have been here almost 2 years!i never thought we would end up living together,as mikee is fiercely independent (me too,but in different ways i guess) but circumstances changed and we have been living together with our beautiful dogs for around 10 months,mikee and i have been through a lot,including his attempt to move to the US,my nasty break-up,our fair share of ups and downs...but i love him so much.he is my best friend as well as my boyfriend.i find him annoying as hell sometimes (as i know he does me!) but most of the time we get on great.i love his looks,his voice,his personal style,his ethics and beliefs,his personality...and he is one of the strongest people i know.i love him with all of my being.

24.cardiff friends and enemies.
a lot changed for me in a short period of time around 2009.but i guess i was 24 when i first met the majority of my friends in cardiff.for varying reasons,almost all of those people from that time are no longer friends.it did hurt a lot,but now i have realised that although it takes two to argue,and i fully take on my part in it all,i did all i could to fix these damaged friendships.i couldn't have done much else.now,i look back and see that you can't force friendships and wounds to heal.a lot of hurtful things were said,but i cried,recovered and carried on.all i know is,despite my failings,i stayed true to myself and didn't stoop to the levels that some did.i have fewer friends now,but they mean so much to me,they really do.it was a good time initially with my 'cardiff friends' but it obviously wasn't meant to last.i learnt a lot about myself during this time.and i think that maybe the maria that was part of this group,wasn't the real maria at all.i did a lot of drinking and a lot of going out,but although i could maybe do with a bit of that sometimes,it's not really who i am.

25.veganism and branching out.
it has been a busy year!i finally went vegan,and i love it so much.my heart feels so warm with love for the animals,and i finally feel like i have found a community that i can be myself in.dolly dearest has also built itself up slowly,and i have enjoyed so much,making (and actually selling!) things,especially when the money has gone to a good cause.i feel like i have made more of an effort to see my family,i love them so much,despite any petty arguments we might have.i am towards the end (i hope!) of my driving lessons.it still freaks me out a bit,i still feel nervous before my weekly lesson,but i can't wait to eventually pass and gain more of my own freedom!i love mikee more than i ever have,and i believe we are more comfortable than ever with each other.and of course,bambi and bela are still my life.i love my little furry sons!

and now,time for some random photos of my image changes in the recent years...









14 comments:

  1. I love your big massive hair, in all years! :) Good luck on your driving lessons. I actually have to take a driving test soon too and I'm scared to death. Are you good with distance estimation? I have no concept of it. I will probably flunk.

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  2. aww,thank you both!i do like my hair biiig!trying to wean myself onto just 'normal' hair,but always find myself going back to my wiglets!:P
    i'm not great with distance really sweetheart.the things i have a bit of trouble with is keeping my eyes on everything!like noticing how close i'm driving to cars parked on the kerb etc!but what i really need to improve on are my manouevres,like parallel parking and 3 point turns.i can just about do them (albeit,sketchily) but only when instructed how.i couldn't do it in the test yet!
    how are your lessons going?you enjoying them?xxxx

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  3. An interesting story! I'm sorry to hear that your first boyfriend was a mess. I'm happy though that you found Mikee and that you're happy with him.

    I love all your photos and have to say you're a pretty lady.

    I'll have to say something about your new layout though. I can't remember that your website was black with white text. Well, to be sincere, its hurting my eyes and this choice is unfortunately a bad choice for people like me with "dry eyes" and some other eye problems.

    I managed to finish reading your blog though, but didn't enjoy it that much because my eyes were not really convenient.

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  4. i wish i could make my hair have more volume. i cant even tease my hair...it feels wrong! i have to get other people to do it to me. <3

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  5. aw M,sorry you're having trouble reading my blog,i really like this layout:(
    and plaid guru...my hair is so big because it's mainly extensions...i fake it!my hair is also pretty flat and unteaseable...hairspray just does not like me!x

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  6. maria i lovelovelove the first picture it makes me chuckle!

    you're like uber-metal-goth!

    I need to find some pics of me from when i was 13, i was quite the moody little goth kid!

    I love that you're showing your teeth on the first one too, you have the most lush smile, you should do the big one more often!

    love you xxx

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  7. wow.
    I can't believe how big you get your hair! it's amazing, does it take long to do?

    it's so fun [in a totally nice way]to see you 'grow up' in pictures..thanks for sharing..and good luck with you're driving lessons, i'm due to start mine at the end of the month + I am petrified.eeek! i've mangaged to keep from driving for sooo long that I'd be happy to be car free forever [eco!] but I know that sometimes when you've run out of milk that it's so handy to nip out in the car [not eco but I need my tea!]

    anyhooo am I right in assuming it's your birthday + that's why you're looking back? if so birthday wishes + kisses; if not, kisses anyway!

    x

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  8. Happy Birthday! I also love your big hair!

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  9. awwwww,you guys!!!!hehe;)my big hair is made up of the following components:as little/as many clip in hair extensions as i feel like that day (they come in a pack of a few feet long,then you just cut the desired thickness of each piece),and then two clip in hairpieces at the back.the two hairpieces at the back are bigger than they were originally,as i have had them such a long time and they have all dreaded up.which suits me as i love the dishevelled and messy dreaded look!i have had drawstring hairpieces in before (the big blonde,red and black style) and i loved them,but they never felt quite as secure as the clip in extensions and pieces!plus it felt even more like i was wearing an actual wig!

    thank you all so much for the birthday wishes too,you're all so sweet and cute,i love my blog friends!i truly feel honoured to know you ladies (and men!).

    hehe sam,you make me giggle,which is why i love you!more sam times this year please!i don't smile like that usually,it's not even like i have super goofy teeth or anything,but i'm gummy!gummy wilkes,they should call me i reckon.

    and kirsty,don't be scared about your lessons!i still get a little nervous when i get in the car each lesson.but usually by the end of the lesson i'm kinda enjoying it!you'll be fine!:)if i can have lessons,you definitely can,no worries!xxxx

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  10. haha!
    when I think about me driving a big metal car I just want to hide under the bed!! but thank you so much for the support..
    I'll keep you posted with how many times I stall and/or injure people!
    x

    p.s. i'm gonna dig out some really awful photos of me as a teenage mosher for you to see!

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  11. hahaha!
    the word to verify my last comment was 'fartlec'...I think I have the maturity level of a ten year old boy!

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  12. haha,fartlec is awesome!when i commented your blog just now the word was something like 'pelis' which made me giggle.
    awww,i felt exactly the same about driving!and still do a bit,but everybody who says it all falls into place is right,i can feel it happening...slowly,but still!:D

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  13. Your hair is the bees knees. You need to do a post to show me how to do that!!

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