you are beautiful. be happy :)

Awww, thank you! xxxxx

Ask me anything

Stone Fence, Stone Wall

How are you all?

I've been slack with blogging lately, I have just been pretty busy with fair preparations, and my laptop has been turning itself off several times an evening. I'm trying to hold on until August which is when the contract runs out on it (I pay £30 a month for the laptop and a dongle - mobile broadband), then I'm giving my dad my laptop (that is if the computer man at our work can clean it up and fix it for him, would be mean to give him a broken laptop!) and getting a new contract. This time I want a netbook though, so I can take it out and about with me if needed. I'm used to the money coming out each month so it's not really a big difference.

Anywho, what a horrible weekend I had last week... normally I would blog when something upsets me, but this is something I am frankly sick of hearing about and talking about, and I can't keep going over it all.

Let's just say, another 'friend' seems to have bitten the dust... someone who has been my best friend for the whole time I have been in Cardiff (over 2 years). But at the end of the day if your 'best friend' repeatedly lies to you and keeps things from you, despite all the chances you have given her to 'fess up, it's bound to end in tears. I'm not happy about it... but I can't trust someone who would knowingly lie and hurt me.

What do you do when a friend tells you something about your boyfriend? Especially when your boyfriend is swearing on their life that it isn't true... I would say that you should always trust the friend. But it complicates things when that friend finally admits she has been lying to you herself for weeks. And then when another friend mentions it to her, she lies again! I know what I think in my heart of hearts and I hope it isn't true... but my so-called 'friends' behaviour has ruined me.

Telling me something is one thing, ramming it down my throat and then discussing it with someone who is known to hate me is another thing... how can someone say they care when they do that? And then to basically wish it upon me that it turns out what they heard is right?!

Someday if they are ever in my position, I hope they realise that a friend should never judge, a friend should not turn their back on you, and a friend should know a relationship is between two people and that it is simply not a case of picking one persons story over the other. I have felt so lost lately, and like I've had no-one to turn to. Things like this make me want to go be a hermit and not have contact with anyone, except of course my boys... it's strange when you don't know who to trust.

What do your family think of your beautiful tattoos and big hair?

Aw, first of all that's so sweet! :) Thank you!

My family really wish I didn't have tattoos, and I used to cover them all up all of the time (Summer was a nightmare!)... only now do they see some of them (seen as I now have my hands tattooed... though at the start I did take to wearing gloves and pulling my sleeves over my hands!) but I still tend to cover the top of my arms up (mind you, that's more because I don't like showing all of them off, and I don't like sleeveless tops!)

So, in short, my family do not like tattoos at all. I never thought that I would feel comfortable enough around them to not cover them all up, but now I am finally here I love it. I love that they've started to see past it, that it's just me on the outside, doesn't change me on the inside.

With my hair, well they often say I look better with my natural, smaller (hehe) hair... but I need to do what I feel more comfy with I guess, and I lika de big hair!

Thanks for the question :) xxx

Ask me anything

A week since I've blogged.

NOTE: I STARTED THIS BLOG ENTRY DAYS AGO, HENCE WHY 1. IT IS KINDA DATED (BY THE TITLE) AND 2. IT ABRUPTLY FINISHES (IE. I WAS SUPER PUMPED WHEN I STARTED WRITING IT, BUT THEN LEFT TOO MUCH TIME INBETWEEN FINISHING IT, AND NOW JUST NEEDED TO FINISH IT OFF!)

Apologies! I have been reading all of your blogs as usual though, but I guess I just haven't had much to blog about this week.

My hayfever is killing me... I can't even explain how bad it has been all week. It took me a while to find vegan suitable tablets, as they all seem to have lactose in them. First I tried Holland & Barrett, but all of their treatments either had lactose in them, or the creams had beeswax in them (the stuff you put under your nostrils to try stop the pollen getting up there!). So then I tried Beanfreaks (a more independent version of H&B), and luckily they had some. Thank goodness! You would think all health food shops (especially when they sell vegan foods etc.) would sell hayfever treatments suitable for vegans... but ah well, least I got my tablets! I'm still dying from the hayfever though, and really, each year my capacity for snot astounds me! I'm not the only one who is suffering though, Mikee is too, and some of my work colleagues, so it must be something in the air! (Excuse the awful pun!)

So, what have I been up to this week? Hmmm... well, the usual: work, sleeping, eating. Oh and lots of making and crafting, I have so many fairs coming up! But I do love to get all my materials around me (though I don't love the mess!) and put on a film or something to keep my occupied.

This week I have seen three films I have not seen before, but have wanted to for quite a while.



This is one I have always liked the look of. I do like my slightly-indie-approach-to-Romance films. This film was... good. Maybe I am spoilt in that one of my favourite films of all time is Garden State... because really, no other Indie Romance (it should be a new genre!) film could ever live up to Garden State. Ever. That film owns a part of me. But anywho... I did enjoy it, and I am warming to Kirsten Dunst. I think that maybe I was just not bowled over by Orlando Bloom. He's okay... but not overly awesome... not like Zach Braff anyway :). What I did love about the film was the book Kirsten Dunst's character puts together for Orlando's character... it reminds me of when I used to keep scrapbooks (when I was 18ish, and then when I first met Mikee). I need to start these up again, and I plan to very soon. It's so much fun to do, there's no rules how you do it, and they're amazing to look back on... I so wish I had kept all of my old scrapbooks.



So, I am starting my journal now... and I wanted to find some of the inspirational quotes I love that are throughout the awesome The Notebook Doodles... and what do I come across? THIS! Must be fate?!


Precious. I loved this film, I knew it would be harrowing, but these films if nothing else serve as a reminder to make the most of the lives we have. And recognise things could be so much worse. And all actors involved were awesome. Even Mariah Carey ;)


I like Jennifer Carpenter (Dexter's Debs, and Mrs. Dexter in real life)... and I ADORE [rec]... which is why I will simply say, this film is so unnecessary. It's a good film, but only because it is a total scene for scene remake almost, of [rec]. I would say just skip Quarantine and watch the real deal.

I love movie soundtracks.

Romeo and Juliet

Twilight

New Moon

Twilight: Eclipse

The Strangers

Juno


500 Days of Summer

Saw movies

S. Darko

Death Sentence

300

Garden State

And a bit of fun... (I actually love this film!)

Josie and the Pussycats

Working 9 'til 8...

Okay, so that's nowhere nearly as catchy as the original song, but I have infact worked 9-8 today (well, it's 6.22pm now so I am still technically working). So, I am having a quick break from writing letters and emails and such so I can attempt a half-decent blog post.

I haven't felt as inclined to blog lately, it has been a weird old time. The last few weeks I have been napping for hours at a time almost every evening... and I always wake up feeling so icky and horrible. I tend to blame it on my antidepressants, but I'm on a lower dosage now and didn't have this before. It gets to me a little as it is a very 'unnatural' feeling sleep, but I'm hoping it's no big deal. However, the other day I had these weird muscle spasms in my upper right arm, and you could even see these spasms... was so gross! So, as with everything (possible illnesses included) I googled the symptoms and came up with ME. Now, I wouldn't call myself a hypochondriac, because I don't make up symptoms and I feel this notion I have is more deep rooted than that... What notion? Well, sometimes I feel like inside I would like to have an illness. Now, even as I write this, it disgusts me... and I totally do not want an illness, not at all. But sometimes I feel like maybe I am almost 'owed' one seen as so many people around me get bad health. Does anyone know what I mean? It's a weird feeling I can't really explain, but I don't like it, not one bit. Maybe it's a way of my natural depression peeping through? I don't know what to think, but if I was ill I would be just as upset and sad and frightened as the next person.

Anyway, back to ME... I have been tested for this before, and for Aenemia and come up fine. But the symptoms of ME... chronic fatigue, muscle weakness (I was just saying to Mikee the other day, my arms feel so week and puny, they ache when I simply lift my arms above my head to tie my hair back...) and memory loss struck a chord with me. The mention of memory loss really knocked me for six, as I struggle so much with my memory in my driving lessons, and I have never been this way. My brain is blank when it comes to manouevres, even if I did them only a few days ago. So I may ask to have some blood tests again (though I hate having them, I hate needles), though I don't think it will say that I do have ME. But in a way it would be good to be able to pinpoint why I am so tired and lethargic, as I am really stumped for an explanation... I work full-time sure, but I don't go out much socially, I don't do an active job (it's admin/office work) and I sleep fine usually at night. Plus I'm vegan, and although I'm still quite a 'junk food vegan', I eat so much more healthily now as opposed to before, and back then I wasn't half as tired and zombified. Hmmm...

Besides sleeping and self-analyzing my health, I have been very busy (especially this week) with organising my fairs. I now have 5 events coming up in the next couple of months! It's exciting but tiring and I'm hoping they will all be successful. It does feel good to know that I am actively pushing myself to be more ambitious and hardworking. At the end of the day, I may not make money from organising the fairs, but at each fair I will be selling so creating more outlets for selling Santa Macabre, and hopefully creating more interest and more money in the process. I have so much to make for all these additional events though so once I get paid this month it's all systems go!

How is everyone doing by the way? You all make me smile daily with your blogs and daily experiences, and for that I am truly grateful!

Home is where the heart is and even toilets can be beautified.(photo heavy!)