Monday 20 July 2009

sunday sadness

yesterday i was feeling very sad.i think it is because i feel like i have lost all artistic direction,and i don't know what i want to do with my life.my personal life couldn't be better,and we are both pretty excited for our impending wedding.i am so happy with mikee,i feel like i fall more and more in love with him each day.and we both adore our little furry men,they bring so much happiness and joy to our lives.
what i am getting down about is money,or lack of it.i hate that it is always in the back of my mind,the whole "can i afford this?" feeling.and what is especially getting me down is something i didn't expect would.my job.it is steady money,fairly easy and i literally live across the road from the offices.but i am growing very fed up with the way i get treated here.it seems to be true,that the lower the wage the less respect you get.it is very disheartening to know that the next salary up from me is an additional £5000.i don't earn even £1000 a month,and compared to everyone elses wages,that's pretty bad.my job could be so much worse.but it is surely bad enough that i feel so low and undervalued.i guess it's almost a given in employment,but it's sad that it has to be this way.i have spent more than enough years wasted not following my dreams.and what i think has unnerved me is that i now know i don't particularly want to get a tattoo apprenticeship.this is something i've wanted for a long time,for me to know that i no longer want this,is a little disconcerting.i need to find a direction.

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