well,today has been upsetting to say the least.i happened to be messing around on my facebook and saw that this girl(who i've mentioned a few times,the one who never text me to rearrange meeting after we hadn't talked for a long time)had arrnaged a girls night out with about 6 of her friends.this hurt because i felt so forgotten and shit.so i just came to realise that i needed to tell her this,and delete her from my facebook friends..i told her exactly how i felt.i didn't insult her,didn't have a go at her but just laid it out straight.i had tried so hard to patch things up,apologised for my part in our friendship breaking down,but obviously she didn't want to try again.i was hoping she wouldn't reply and did think it would probably be best not to read it if she did,as i was feeling pretty shitty and fragile as it was,and i remembered how awful she was last time.now i thought i could be nasty...i can honestly say i have never met anyone with a vicious tongue like her.the response i got was a long one.it basically told me some of these things: that i'm hard to talk to,i'm over sensitive,i'm childish for my age and that everyone knows that.she proceeded to list about ten friends she DID care for,ie. she didn't care for me (which i'd kinda realised already!).she then went on to say that with my message i'd given her more to talk to her friends with about me.she also said she wouldn't have noticed i'd deleted her if i hadn't told her.well,fuck,all this was like a big punch in the stomach.she picked everything she could to hurt even more.and fuck,it did.i was almost hysterical,and mikee had to try and comfort me.this girl has made me feel so invisble and disliked,i keep remembering what she said,it keeps running through my head.mikee wouldn't let me reply to that,or the further text she sent me.he said that not replying would annoy her more.we went and had a nap,but it took a while to calm me down.did i overreact?she was so cruel,picking on things like indicating "they" all have fun talking about me,that she didn't even give a shit to notice if i was on her facebook friends...
i don't even really want to write anymore,it's really cut deep.i'm far from perfect,i really am.but i've always tried to be a good person,and sure i've probably slipped along the way.and for once,i didn't get personal in this argument,i didn't even use swearing in my message.i even wished her luck in the future.but whatever,i should have known not to send it.but then i thought she'd go off on me not telling her why and just doing it.seems like i can't win.
after my nap,i feel better.i don't need her cliques and scenes,her social drugs and fucking around,her guilty little secrets and her aroogance.i don't need someone who lists their friends off to make themselves feel better.i don't need her.and i'm ok now.but it's gonna take a while to erase those words from my mind.it just kinda made me think my thoughts about not being good enough are true.