Yesterday evening, I had a good time! I met a couple of friends for some drinks before they were heading to see Alkaline Trio. (I've never really been into AT, and after a day at work, probably wouldn't have gone anyway... I know, I'm such a party animal!)
So, we headed to Pica Pica for cocktails. I am not normally a cocktail person, but Pica Pica is known for doing two for £6.60, which everyone seems to love. I chose the Apricot Cooler this time... I had wanted this drink the last time we were there, but they were out of vodka. I thought about it last night and... how on earth can a bar be out of vodka? Someone needs to sort their ordering out, haha.
I only knew Sian and Laura (Laura has known Mikee for years, and they are currently in a band together). They both brought friends along, Natalie and Elaine, who were both so lovely. It's so nice to just get out for a while and have a good time... and although it was a little nerve wracking thinking of hanging out with a group of people who all knew each other, but not me, it turned out awesome.
Later on in the evening, a girl called Chloe asked Sian if she could come meet her, as she too was going to the gig... she was coming with Jo. Jo used to be my closest friend, until we had a big falling out. We did make it up, but soon after Jo had decided she wasn't really interested in keeping the friendship going... I will admit that this episode, and the things that were said about my character and personality, really hurt me. And for the first time ever, in regards to a friendship, I climbed into bed sobbing my eyes out over it.
So anyway, Sian asked if this would be okay, and I told her it'd be fine. I knew it would be super awkward, but I like to think I'm old enough now just to suck it up and get on with it.
When they first came in, they seemed to have sat down somewhere else, and I have to say, I felt super embarassed that my presence had basically kept them away! The girls I was with were so sweet and jokingly saying they would 'back me up'... this made me smile, it's so nice to meet just genuine, lovely people... it's a real treat :)
However, Chloe and Jo came over then, and I suddenly felt so shy. Jo said hello to me, which I was shocked about, and I went all quiet and unable to make eye contact, though I did say hello back of course! It was sooo weird, but eventually Jo got chatting to me, and as weird and awkward as it was, it was nice. Really nice. And it made me realise just how much I cared for her when we were friends... you know when you fall out with someone, you look back and think "How did I even like this person?!"... Well, just seeing Jo made me realise all the good times we had together, and what a good friend she had been to me. I felt a little sad to be truthful.
Eventually it was time for everyone to head to the gig, even Lewis had popped in to say hello before he went. We'd gone to dinner on Tuesday evening, which had been nice. We were housemates and then flatmates until the start of this year, and he's a good person. We have a similar sense of humour too.
It was kinda funny to be walking off from the whole group of people... I'm always the loner, haha. But I was pretty tipsy by then, so it was definitely for the best!
Once I got home I felt pretty yucky, so crashed out on the sofa.
It felt so good to have a good night out though, and really reminded me of how much I enjoyed going out a short while back. I think it can be so easy to get stuck in a rut/comfort zone, and just stay in... But going out makes me appreciate my home surroundings even more, so I think I will keep trying to pull myself out of my shell a bit!
Friday, 27 August 2010
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
what is your favourite tatoo? tell us more :)
It is really hard for me to pick if I'm honest... I love my chestpiece, I am so proud to have a Saira Hunjan piece, she's amazing! I am also so honoured to have two Eckel pieces (right hand and neck) also. But I also love the tattoos I have by Dawnni, Drew Romero and Julie (Lucky 13 Tattoo, Leicester)... sorry this has turned into a bit of a name drop fest, but it's hard to pinpoint just one! They mean so much to me... well, except maybe my original half sleeves... wow, I would love to have those spaces back again to get redone.
I love your creativity! Tell us what inspires you. How did u learn to do all these crafty things? :)
So so much inspires me (I won't bore you with detail, as there is a similar answer below <3)
And I didn't really learn anything... I tend to just have a go and see what happens hehe :) I think practice makes perfect. Anyone can be creative if they put the time and effort and passion into it :)
Friends. The deeper stuff.
I am determined to get back into blogging regularly... and about deeper things than my current favourite songs... apologies, because my blog must have been killing you lately...
So! I recently went through a phase where I decided that I was done in chasing up people, whether they be friends, or prospective friends. I felt like I was doing all the running, and the arranging, and basically putting all of myself in but receiving nothing back. But. I am now over that. And why? Because I know that, unfortunately, it's gonna be just little ol' me unless I do all of the above.
I'm very insecure when it comes to friendship (you noticed huh?!). I have been burnt a lot in the past, but hey, I guess we all have. I suppose I want that 'best friend' who I feel gets me completely, and despite my faults, accepts me for who I am. I can get jealous, I can get needy, I can be antisocial at the best of times... but for my good friends, I would do anything for them.
I think it's down to my age mostly. It's quite tough trying to make new friends at the age of 26. I think because people have still got friends from their teens and they're not in the same place as me..? I have never been one for groups of friends, until I was around 18... and that didn't last for that long. But in my earlier years, there was always that one best friend. I can think of them all now... so they must have been pretty special. I think I miss that.
I try not to be like some crazy, lonely girl looking for friends, but I do worry I come across this way...
Whatever. Anyway, after realising my 'no chasing friends' outlook would mean I literally would never go out socially and make new friends, I decided to try again and got onto a few girls I was meant to be seeing last week (one was ill so we cancelled). I'm now seeing them this week. They are lovely girls, and I'm definitely looking forward to getting out of the flat!
One of my main fears/worries is putting everything into Mikee. Because, as negative as this sounds, I know that if we were to finish, I would be alone, and have no-one to turn to. Though I am very lucky to have my family, I know I would need some other kind of support system. When Mikee and I broke up for a couple of weeks... well, I fell to pieces. I couldn't see any light in anything. I was broken. I couldn't eat, I couldn't see it ever getting better. It was only going home and staying at my dads for a week that put me back together again.
This dark period (however short) has always haunted me. Served as a reminder that I cannot put my whole life in one person's hands. Besides, it's not fair on them. So, as easy as it is to be totally comfortable just seeing Mikee after work, staying in and chilling out (I am such a homebody, it's almost lazy... though definitely not hermit like. That would be awful!)... I know I need to build my own life. As an individual. And besides, there's a part of me that loves going out and having fun, drinking and having a super fun time... I just need to (literally) drag it out of me.
I need to accept that not everyone is looking for that friend that will be there for them always. Some people don't need or want that. I love my own company, but I do get lonely. I am not going to let myself sink down into this hole of either being on my own, or with Mikee. It's way too easy to be solitary, and nowhere near as fun!
So, here's to actually making some effort, getting off your butt and making new friends... Giving someone new a chance, even if there is not a crazy spark when you first meet them. And surely, if somebody likes you... that is awesome.
Now, tonight I am off out for cocktails :)
So! I recently went through a phase where I decided that I was done in chasing up people, whether they be friends, or prospective friends. I felt like I was doing all the running, and the arranging, and basically putting all of myself in but receiving nothing back. But. I am now over that. And why? Because I know that, unfortunately, it's gonna be just little ol' me unless I do all of the above.
I'm very insecure when it comes to friendship (you noticed huh?!). I have been burnt a lot in the past, but hey, I guess we all have. I suppose I want that 'best friend' who I feel gets me completely, and despite my faults, accepts me for who I am. I can get jealous, I can get needy, I can be antisocial at the best of times... but for my good friends, I would do anything for them.
I think it's down to my age mostly. It's quite tough trying to make new friends at the age of 26. I think because people have still got friends from their teens and they're not in the same place as me..? I have never been one for groups of friends, until I was around 18... and that didn't last for that long. But in my earlier years, there was always that one best friend. I can think of them all now... so they must have been pretty special. I think I miss that.
I try not to be like some crazy, lonely girl looking for friends, but I do worry I come across this way...
Whatever. Anyway, after realising my 'no chasing friends' outlook would mean I literally would never go out socially and make new friends, I decided to try again and got onto a few girls I was meant to be seeing last week (one was ill so we cancelled). I'm now seeing them this week. They are lovely girls, and I'm definitely looking forward to getting out of the flat!
One of my main fears/worries is putting everything into Mikee. Because, as negative as this sounds, I know that if we were to finish, I would be alone, and have no-one to turn to. Though I am very lucky to have my family, I know I would need some other kind of support system. When Mikee and I broke up for a couple of weeks... well, I fell to pieces. I couldn't see any light in anything. I was broken. I couldn't eat, I couldn't see it ever getting better. It was only going home and staying at my dads for a week that put me back together again.
This dark period (however short) has always haunted me. Served as a reminder that I cannot put my whole life in one person's hands. Besides, it's not fair on them. So, as easy as it is to be totally comfortable just seeing Mikee after work, staying in and chilling out (I am such a homebody, it's almost lazy... though definitely not hermit like. That would be awful!)... I know I need to build my own life. As an individual. And besides, there's a part of me that loves going out and having fun, drinking and having a super fun time... I just need to (literally) drag it out of me.
I need to accept that not everyone is looking for that friend that will be there for them always. Some people don't need or want that. I love my own company, but I do get lonely. I am not going to let myself sink down into this hole of either being on my own, or with Mikee. It's way too easy to be solitary, and nowhere near as fun!
So, here's to actually making some effort, getting off your butt and making new friends... Giving someone new a chance, even if there is not a crazy spark when you first meet them. And surely, if somebody likes you... that is awesome.
Now, tonight I am off out for cocktails :)
Monday, 16 August 2010
A good friend is hard to find.
I can relate so much to the above saying. I realised lately, when talking to my ex flatmate and friend Lewis, that the bad luck he has with girlfriends, I seem to have that with friends...
I always expect friendships to break down now, because they have over the couple of years I have been in Cardiff. And before then, the group of friends I was involved with all fell out. And then my best friend pretty much ran when I got a long term(scumbag of a) boyfriend back when I was 18, as though she was grateful to be able to shift me over onto someone else. Now, don't get me wrong. This isn't a pity post. I just don't seem very... good... with friends, especially women.
I really do try my hardest with friends, but I have a feeling that may not be the best way to be... all the 'aloof' people seem to have longstanding friends, maybe I need to be a bit more like that?
Maybe I need to be willing to go out more?
I don't want to change but I think maybe I should 'adapt' a little better to those around me...
"Sometimes love isn't about how much someone suits you, but how much you're willing to change to suit them"
I always expect friendships to break down now, because they have over the couple of years I have been in Cardiff. And before then, the group of friends I was involved with all fell out. And then my best friend pretty much ran when I got a long term(scumbag of a) boyfriend back when I was 18, as though she was grateful to be able to shift me over onto someone else. Now, don't get me wrong. This isn't a pity post. I just don't seem very... good... with friends, especially women.
I really do try my hardest with friends, but I have a feeling that may not be the best way to be... all the 'aloof' people seem to have longstanding friends, maybe I need to be a bit more like that?
Maybe I need to be willing to go out more?
I don't want to change but I think maybe I should 'adapt' a little better to those around me...
"Sometimes love isn't about how much someone suits you, but how much you're willing to change to suit them"
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