i feel horrible today.i really do.i hate that when mikee does have work it's like 4-1am or something like that.and because i've been off work sick today and been in bed until 3pm,i feel even worse.i'm trying to arrange going back to wolverhampton this weekend as mikee is working friday night and then going to manchester sunday-monday for a gig.it's not an awful long time to be alone.but it feels silly sitting in on my own when i could visit my family.just not looking forward to taking the boys on the train.i can just see them going crazy when the conductor comes to collect my ticket.gah.
and on a plus note,i finally went to watch saw 6 at the cinema last night.i expected to hate it,as saw 5 was so rubbish.i'm a huge saw fan,and so was pleased because i thought saw 6 was awesome!some parts of the previous films got explained that i hadn't even thought about...really awesome.and mikee's friend who works at cineworld got us in free,which was an added bonus!:D
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
crippling anxiety/fear?
i'm driving myself crazy.my anxiety is creeping up on me more and more lately.like for example,today.i'm still feeling ill.whenever i eat anything lately,i feel like i need to go straight to the bathroom.as icky as it sounds,i can't keep anything in.so,basically i think i need to reschedule my driving lesson tonight,for when i'm better,as i don't wanna be in that situation when i'm driving...and i feel pretty flaky anyway.
now here's the thing.my mind keeps telling me when i cancel things, 'you can do it,you're just finding an excuse not to because you're a little nervous'.but i'm not crazy,i KNOW i feel under the weather and have since friday.but my anxiety beats me up over it.and i think: i'm letting my instructor down.i won't pass my driving test.why is it taking me so long to learn to drive?why aren't i better at it?all these thoughts,but i know that i will pass eventually,if i keep the lessons up.and i know that i'm not really fit to do tonights lesson.but my mind finds cancelling so stressful...and...gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.i'm driving (excuse the unintentional pun) myself insane.
my instructor don is pretty easy going,and i know he would just say "relax,chill out!" (weird when he does,as he's like a 'dad' type person,feels funny to hear him say it!) but my anxiety,as usual,wins.i wish i didn't think and feel like this,it's not such a big deal.but tonight i will feel shitty for cancelling,and i know i have the power NOT to feel shitty,but it feels like a struggle.
i hate anxiety and nerves.
"You know, our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things when they're consumed by stress and anxiety." dr. cohen (garden state)
now here's the thing.my mind keeps telling me when i cancel things, 'you can do it,you're just finding an excuse not to because you're a little nervous'.but i'm not crazy,i KNOW i feel under the weather and have since friday.but my anxiety beats me up over it.and i think: i'm letting my instructor down.i won't pass my driving test.why is it taking me so long to learn to drive?why aren't i better at it?all these thoughts,but i know that i will pass eventually,if i keep the lessons up.and i know that i'm not really fit to do tonights lesson.but my mind finds cancelling so stressful...and...gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.i'm driving (excuse the unintentional pun) myself insane.
my instructor don is pretty easy going,and i know he would just say "relax,chill out!" (weird when he does,as he's like a 'dad' type person,feels funny to hear him say it!) but my anxiety,as usual,wins.i wish i didn't think and feel like this,it's not such a big deal.but tonight i will feel shitty for cancelling,and i know i have the power NOT to feel shitty,but it feels like a struggle.
i hate anxiety and nerves.
"You know, our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things when they're consumed by stress and anxiety." dr. cohen (garden state)
ask me (borrowed from the lovely danielle)
having just drooled over danielle's post of this (sometimes sweet...and i still haven't figured out how to link blogs...or maybe i'm just being too lazy to figure out something amazingly easy?)i thought i would do a 'ask me' blog...so i have copied and pasted danielle's 'rules of play' and hope that you will play along with me...and do this for yourself.be sure to let me know so i can be super nosy and ask to see photos of things that you own/love...
"Go ahead and comment and name anything in my life you'd like to see a photo of! It can be where I sleep, my favorite makeup, the view from my living room window...anything!
Later this week I will make a picture post showing you all of the things in my world you were interested in seeing!
Also, please post this in your blog so we can keep the little game going!"
*even if just one person requests something,i will still reveal all (aka.whatever it is you wanna lurk about me) xxxx
"Go ahead and comment and name anything in my life you'd like to see a photo of! It can be where I sleep, my favorite makeup, the view from my living room window...anything!
Later this week I will make a picture post showing you all of the things in my world you were interested in seeing!
Also, please post this in your blog so we can keep the little game going!"
*even if just one person requests something,i will still reveal all (aka.whatever it is you wanna lurk about me) xxxx
Monday, 9 November 2009
everyone's a doctor nowadays
over the weekend i have been feeling pretty lousy.aches and pains,painful and iffy tummy,and general 'fuzziness'.i think it is down to the antibiotics i have been taking for my ear infection,so i have stopped taking them.i guess i need to go see the doctor again,see if they can prescribe me an alternative...
anywho,so today i'm a little better and at work.i had a quick go on the nhs' 'online symptom checker' for swine flu (we really shouldn't be blaming it on the pigs...) and was given a code to go pick up tamiflu.now i really don't think i do have swine flu,i have only some of the symptoms and i felt well enough to come into work...but i decided to ring my doctors anyway just to check,and the receptionist said someone would call me later.
i mentioned this to a work friend who told me that unless you have a temperature,it's not swine flu.i then told my manager,as she came into the kitchen when i was checking my temperature.she said i wouldn't be able to move if i had swine flu.again,i'm pretty sure i don't have it.but,it makes me giggle at everyone and their doctor ambitions!
UPDATE: so,the doctor called me back and i told him my symptoms.he said that he thought it was simply a side effect of the antibiotics i was taking,and suggested i just stick to drinking water and eating plain foods,such as rice.i'm gonna twist that a little to noodles i think.not sure what to replace the water with yet...i just really find water so bland and icky,unless it's a boiling hot day and i'm thirsty as hell.
anywho,so today i'm a little better and at work.i had a quick go on the nhs' 'online symptom checker' for swine flu (we really shouldn't be blaming it on the pigs...) and was given a code to go pick up tamiflu.now i really don't think i do have swine flu,i have only some of the symptoms and i felt well enough to come into work...but i decided to ring my doctors anyway just to check,and the receptionist said someone would call me later.
i mentioned this to a work friend who told me that unless you have a temperature,it's not swine flu.i then told my manager,as she came into the kitchen when i was checking my temperature.she said i wouldn't be able to move if i had swine flu.again,i'm pretty sure i don't have it.but,it makes me giggle at everyone and their doctor ambitions!
UPDATE: so,the doctor called me back and i told him my symptoms.he said that he thought it was simply a side effect of the antibiotics i was taking,and suggested i just stick to drinking water and eating plain foods,such as rice.i'm gonna twist that a little to noodles i think.not sure what to replace the water with yet...i just really find water so bland and icky,unless it's a boiling hot day and i'm thirsty as hell.
Friday, 6 November 2009
hello there:)
first of all...two weeks today until new moon is released!i have my tickets booked,one set for the friday showing (super late,hoping to miss the crowds...yeah right!)for me and mikee, and another two tickets booked for the sunday showing.hopefully a friend of mine (justine) is coming down from bristol to see it with me.she too is majorly obsessed with anything twilight,and i think it would be awesome to go see it with a fellow twihard!she's coming down with her boyfriend simon,who has been a good friend of mikee's for a while,so they're gonna hang out while justine and i go see our 2nd showing of new moon (she also has tickets booked for the release day).eeee,excitement!mikee is making me giggle lately because he keeps suggesting we watch twilight,and when i make a joke about him loving twilight as much as me,he tries to convince me he's asking incase i want to watch it!plus last night he said he was excited about seeing new moon because "i've (me) hyped it up so much for him".yeah yeah,whatever!!!
;)
this poster makes me laugh,edward's head looks so superimposed!
finally it seems winter is upon us!it's chilly today!it was super warm at the end of last week/start of this week,so it's nice to finally get that winter chill.i love winter!i love everything about it!the dark days,the dark nights,the cold,the excuse to wrap up warm and wear lots of layers...i'm a total winter girl,i don't like the summer that much.i mean,i do like going out more to places like the park and the beach.but i have always found summer to be really unsettling.i feel like i should constantly be out when the evenings are light,and it may go back to when i was a child/teenager.i was social,but that didn't really start properly until around 16 or so.so until that and here and there after that age,i used to find myself feeling very lonely on the summer evenings,thinking everybody but me was out and about,doing something exciting.i've always hated that feeling of missing out.i was,and still am,a weird girl!but yes,i do love winter.so much.
last night was bonfire night!we didn't do anything.last week was halloween!we,uh,didn't do anything!my friend saffy and her boyfriend steve were due to come back to south wales for the weekend,which they did.but steve was ill,so they had to cancel.mikee and i were still going to go ahead and go see dawn of the dead,which was showing at the buffalo bar in town.but by the time we had discussed it,and it was clear that saffy and steve weren't coming,we were tired and feeling lazy...so we ended up just staying in!to be honest though,i think we were both relieved.we were pretty tired,and mikee was going to london for a few days with an old friend of his on the monday,so he needed to save his energy,and his money,for that!i guess the way we are anyway,halloween is a pretty strong theme for us all through the year!
as i mentioned,bonfire night was last night.up until i met mikee,it never really occurred to me the reasons behind the bonfire night traditions.and even then i didn't particularly celebrate it.it's just not on my list of things to do...go and stand in the cold darkness watching fireworks go off.i do remember when i was young though...going to a bonfire,and taking baked potatoes wrapped in foil with us.it's amazing the things you remember.the feelings of being a child are priceless.whenever i think back,there was a feeling,an atmosphere to my younger years.i can't explain it,but i do miss it.
anyway,yes,bonfire night...so a lot of anarchists do not celebrate bonfire night,as it marks the anniversary of the failure of the gunpowder plot by guy fawkes.basically guy fawkes was a leader of a group of so-called 'anarchists' who plotted to blow up the houses of parliament.this sounds very anarchist so far.but reading into it (ie. looking at google,wikipedia,yahoo questions...)it looks more to me like religious extremism,as the gang were catholics who disaproved of the protestants (for many reasons) and wanted to blow them up.so without going into all the details,though it is all very interesting (i wish i'd gone on to study history sometimes),to me the anarchist tag that has been put onto mr guido fawkes is maybe not deserved.i guess v for vendetta's guy fawkes connetion does confuse the matter.but i do love that film.
well,i've enjoyed blogging this morning!i'm not doing it as often lately,what with being busy with my crafting ventures,and work being busier,but i will hopefully continue to update any of you that are doing me the honour of reading what i get up to!
;)
this poster makes me laugh,edward's head looks so superimposed!
finally it seems winter is upon us!it's chilly today!it was super warm at the end of last week/start of this week,so it's nice to finally get that winter chill.i love winter!i love everything about it!the dark days,the dark nights,the cold,the excuse to wrap up warm and wear lots of layers...i'm a total winter girl,i don't like the summer that much.i mean,i do like going out more to places like the park and the beach.but i have always found summer to be really unsettling.i feel like i should constantly be out when the evenings are light,and it may go back to when i was a child/teenager.i was social,but that didn't really start properly until around 16 or so.so until that and here and there after that age,i used to find myself feeling very lonely on the summer evenings,thinking everybody but me was out and about,doing something exciting.i've always hated that feeling of missing out.i was,and still am,a weird girl!but yes,i do love winter.so much.
last night was bonfire night!we didn't do anything.last week was halloween!we,uh,didn't do anything!my friend saffy and her boyfriend steve were due to come back to south wales for the weekend,which they did.but steve was ill,so they had to cancel.mikee and i were still going to go ahead and go see dawn of the dead,which was showing at the buffalo bar in town.but by the time we had discussed it,and it was clear that saffy and steve weren't coming,we were tired and feeling lazy...so we ended up just staying in!to be honest though,i think we were both relieved.we were pretty tired,and mikee was going to london for a few days with an old friend of his on the monday,so he needed to save his energy,and his money,for that!i guess the way we are anyway,halloween is a pretty strong theme for us all through the year!
as i mentioned,bonfire night was last night.up until i met mikee,it never really occurred to me the reasons behind the bonfire night traditions.and even then i didn't particularly celebrate it.it's just not on my list of things to do...go and stand in the cold darkness watching fireworks go off.i do remember when i was young though...going to a bonfire,and taking baked potatoes wrapped in foil with us.it's amazing the things you remember.the feelings of being a child are priceless.whenever i think back,there was a feeling,an atmosphere to my younger years.i can't explain it,but i do miss it.
anyway,yes,bonfire night...so a lot of anarchists do not celebrate bonfire night,as it marks the anniversary of the failure of the gunpowder plot by guy fawkes.basically guy fawkes was a leader of a group of so-called 'anarchists' who plotted to blow up the houses of parliament.this sounds very anarchist so far.but reading into it (ie. looking at google,wikipedia,yahoo questions...)it looks more to me like religious extremism,as the gang were catholics who disaproved of the protestants (for many reasons) and wanted to blow them up.so without going into all the details,though it is all very interesting (i wish i'd gone on to study history sometimes),to me the anarchist tag that has been put onto mr guido fawkes is maybe not deserved.i guess v for vendetta's guy fawkes connetion does confuse the matter.but i do love that film.
well,i've enjoyed blogging this morning!i'm not doing it as often lately,what with being busy with my crafting ventures,and work being busier,but i will hopefully continue to update any of you that are doing me the honour of reading what i get up to!
Sunday, 1 November 2009
four oh
just wanted to say a big thank you to my followers!40 lovely people...so i'm sending out 40 internet hugs to you all.it's so sweet of you to read my blog,and it means an awful lot to me.thank oooooo! xxxxxxxxx
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