pics from penarth marina,28th may

you can see more at:(though you will have to friend request me to see 'em):http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=72168623&albumId=2624279

amy winehouse

me:

not me:

in a way i can't believe i'm writing a blog about this,but it is something that has been for around a year,the bane of my existence.i get called amy winehouse all the time.people yell it from cars,people walk past me and yell it,people ask me if my hair is real,and on a lot of occasions like today,people publically act like morons and won't drop it.i was in the beer garden at a wetherspoons pub in town,with my work friend jayne (who is awesome).i had a huge amount of stares when we sat down,but as i had done earlier with the girl who yelled "amy" out of the passenger seat of a passing car,i tried to ignore it.but not long after we had sat down and started chatting,i felt someone touch my shoulder.what the fuck?!it was a man from one of the staring tables.he then asked if i was an "amy winehouse impersonator" to which i asked had he not got any manners and has he ever seen amy winehouse dressed like i was?he carried on saying,well are you or not.this went on for a while.the moron.i basically let him have it,telling him that it was none of his business,that he was being very rude and that he should grow up.it eventually passed but people's stupidity really gets to me.have they really got so little going in their lives,and brains,that they take the time to shout at strangers,or make a fool out of them in a crowded pub garden?we all must have times when we think things about peoples appearances,but most people have been brought up not to stare and not to be rude.sadly though,this number of intelligent people seems to be detiorating.i get a lot of abuse for my hair,even though it's not a beehive as amy winehouse's is,and i look nothing like her.really nothing.i would admit it it i did.she is skinny,i am a size 14.she has quite sharp features,i haven't.she has totally different and considerably a smaller amount of tattoos compared to me.i dress nothing like her.i also don't look worse for wear.i like her music but i don't feel any affinity to her and we have totally different lifestyles ie.i'm not into substances as she is/was.i have almost been punched by a grown man in the middle of a busy high street and i get heckled daily,all for having bigger hair than usual...i despair of this world.anyway,back to the pub.a lot of people clapped and agreed with me which i thought was awesome,really warmed my heart.one older lady asked if i was ok and that i looked lovely,and a couple nearby chatted to me saying what a dickhead that man was.it was so nice to have some reassurance.it really was.i ended up having a lovely drink and chat with people i didn't even know,as jayne gets chatting to everyone,and about interesting stuff.it's so nice just to chat to nice,genuine people.sadly though,as we walked through town ,i got a few more "amy"'s and one kid was constantly shouting it aggressively at me as i passed.luckily i managed to keep quiet,because i have had huge swear fits at people before,especially when i'm not in a great mood anyway.why do people do this?i keep on thinking of changing my hair,but i LOVE this hair.

devil scratchings

out

today and tomorrow i have booked off work,as i thought i may be going up to wolverhampton.i was almost going to cancel the days off but i am so glad i didn't.my teeth have been killing me again,so mikee took me to the dental hospital today.first of all we got there around 8am as we had been instructed to,in order to get an appointment.people must have got there pretty early as by the time i got there the appointments had all gone.but i was given a ticket and asked to come back at 1.30.so back home we went,where i napped until it was time to go up again.this time i made sure that i had some toast and yogurt before we left as last time the anasthetic almost made me pass out.which was why my hopeless dentist referred me to the hospital.anyway,to cut a long story short,3 waiting rooms and 2 and a half hours later,the tooth was finally gone.i was left with a mouth filled with blood and feeling like my face was huge,but i'm so glad they could do it today.it wasn't certain it would get done as the crown (top part of the tooth) had almost entirely broken off over the years (i blame my chocolate habit,from a very early age) so it would be a more complicated procedure.the dental technician ended up asking a senior dentist to help him as the root was just not budging.it looked like they were using a chisel and felt pretty much like it too.i felt awful as it took a while and the dentist had to really work to get the remains of the tooth out!but now it is out and i'm crossing my fingers the pain will be gone.despite feeling fragile and sore,we decided to go to the park and take the dogs as the weather was so beautiful.we ended up going to penarth marina,which i have never been to before.it was a really cool place and i took a few pictures which i will post later (though the pictures did not capture how it all looked in reality,so the photos are a little dull).we headed back after a while as my painkillers were wearing off and got some yummy chips and potato fritters on the way back.now we are watching the original punisher,and i'm enjoying just being home and chilling out.

the cardiff weather

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fail

cardiff anarchist bookfair

saturday was the day of the cardiff anarchist bookfair in cathays.the event was free to get into and had some awesome stuff going on,including workshops and stalls.we got there after 10 and went straight into a talk on "free computers",feels kinda weird explaining it in my blog...but it was interesting none the less,though a lot of it went over my head,and i felt kinda dumb.after that finished,we had a little potter round the hall with all the stalls in it.some amazing stuff was being sold,and mikee got loads of awesome books and t-shirts,badges and patches:)i got an amazing huge book on the ALF,cannot wait to get into it!the stalls there included class war(i love that newspaper,it's so funny,but also very true),hunt sabs,no borders,south wales anarchists,bristol anarchist black cross...so many different causes and interesting things to look at.it's so heartwarming that there are so many people doing their bit for what they believe in.really makes me feel i need to find something of my own to stand up for.mikee had a cup of tea and some vegan chocolate cake,unfortunately i couldn't have either due to my naughty teeth!we didn't stay long past 1pm,sometimes its good to go when you've just about seen everything but not walked round like ten times.mikee's benefit gig had raised a little money for the bookfair,which i think is so awesome.i'm so proud of him and his ethics and beliefs.

beautiful day in cardiff town

and we spent a couple of hours in the park:)it was so warm and sunny today,i think i may even have caught a little sun on my back,how very bizarre.begrudgingly i had my driving lesson after we got back from our little picnic in the park.i don't dread it,but i can never fully relax knowing i have a lesson later on.it went okay,though i had some stinkin chavs heckling me twice as i was turning at the junction,and then i had some other idiot purposely try to make me think he was gonna walk into the road in front of me.there's some fucking wasters around.it really put my lesson off to a distractable start,and i honestly think i would have done better if they hadn't distracted me.luckily my next lesson is in another area.that will be in a couple of weeks as i am going back to wolves for the weekend next week.

www.nataliedee.com

26 weeks wait

for an appointment at the dental hospital...nice of my dentist to let me know that.so whilst i'm in agony and i think that an appointment is being sorted for me,it most likely hasn't even been touched yet.luckily the nice lady at the dental unit has advised me to go in before 8am next week and wait for someone to take a look at it and then they can book my dental surgery appointment.the word surgery freaked me a bit,but she says its usually just the same as they do at a regular dentist.but to be honest,nothing at the moment would stop me getting this sorted,whether i'm knocked out and on an operating table or sitting up in a dentists chair.it killsssssss.

the toothache

is back.fuck,it hurts.

on a lighter note

i brought this lovely coat off ebay yesterday,just £4.99 and from chiiiiina.

when your heart is an empty room

i slept all evening yesterday,from after 6 to around midnight,which is when i basically went to bed.i don't know why i feel so sad and why my heart feels so heavy lately.i am very happy with my lot in life but every so often (and it's becoming a lot more often) i have a purge of negative feelings.i pretty much vomit them all out and it's horrible.why do i always store past grievances and sadness in my head,and then spew them out in the nearest available argument?i hate it.but i always do it.i don't know why i am so hateful to people i love.i don't even mind doing the dishes and tidying the flat up but i always bring it up.i don't need to be romanced daily,but i bring it up.i don't care how many friends mikee has,or who they are,but i bring it up.i'm a fucking idiot.like last night,lying there i just wanted to make things up and have a nice night.the bad atmosphere made me feel like i couldn't breathe and i had a horrible taste in my mouth.big sigh.and here at work today,i had a supervision session with my manager,and i felt like total shit for being honest with her and telling her of the negativity i am finding in my job lately.i kinda felt like i just came across a bitch.i give up being honest,i'm just gonna keep it all to myself from now on.it gets you nowhere.

new art

the words are from the secret diary of laura palmer.i love twin peaks.

first time a film has ever made me wretch

last night i started to watch the french film Irreversible.i had heard how terrible it was,and about the "fire extinguisher"scene,but it was worse than i had imagined.firstly the way the film was shot really made the start of the film as seedy and dark as it was obviously meant to be.but i found it a little hard going,however i was intrigued to see where it was going.i started to watch the "revenge" scene but almost as soon as the violence started i just couldn't take it.i literally had to get off the sofa and leave the room.unfortunately i could still hear the gut wrenching sounds.mikee did turn it off then,but the scene stuck in my head for a good while after.i know that it's "only a film" and that ultimately it tells some of the story,but i found it really impossible to watch.maybe because it was so gritty and realistic?for example,i have watched and really enjoyed films like switchblade romance,frontiers and last house on the left(remake) but i suppose they had a little more absurdity and glossed over sheen to them.something about the film disturbed me almost straightaway.and i didn't even get to the ten minute long rape scene.however,after reading reviews of the film,i'm in two minds.i definitely will not watch that murder scene again and i doubt i could sit through the rape scene...but the rest of the film is apparently not violent and really paves the way for the start of the film(which is actually the ending as the film plays as if backwards).apparently it really gets you as the film ends with so much hope in life but you know how it ends.

fuck animal murder

i was just googling "deer" for a drawing i plan to do.and some photos of deer hunters and their "prizes" came up.i cannot begin to tell you of the rage i feel for these people.that they are sitting there holding onto a beautiful animal they have just killed,and they're looking so fucking proud of themselves,it is beyond awful.i can't tell you how much i loathe animal cruelty.it makes me want bad things to happen to these people.because how can you kill an animal?i don't approve of meat eating but i see peoples argument when they say at least there's something to come from it(ie.food),but hunting for sport...humans are the fucking scum of the earth.

star fucking hipsters in bristol,sunday 17th may

unfortunately i didn't get any photos of the gig,as the croft is a small venue,i wasn't really close enough,my camera is not great in the dark and i'm not keen on taking photos in gigs.phew!but i got some nice pictures on the way up there of the severn bridge,and then some random nighttime shots of bristol:)

star fucking hipsters were so good,even better than i thought they would be!nico the female singer is tiny,and stza the male singer (from leftover crack) was so wasted,but really funny with it!the mention of "garbage juice" made me laugh as i had taken out the rubbish earlier that day and as usual there was stinky liquid coming from the bag.haha.the croft was a pretty cool venue and we got to meet one of our myspace friends,nerida.she is so lovely and a little shy,but as someone who used to be soooo shy and can still be,that just made me like her more:)it's not often you meet someone that comes across as just plain genuine.