formspring.me

As a vegan, what is your view on people who do eat meat?

oooh,this is an interesting one!

first of all,i'd like to say i don't hate meat eaters,and i don't think they're evil...though i do hate the consumption of meat and production of it.

in a way,meat eaters make me sad,as i just wish they had the same views as veggies and vegans.normally i would never want people to have exactly the same views as me,as that wouldn't be right...and it would make the world a very dull place!

but in terms of meat,i wish all people could see how unnecessary it is,and the cruelty involved.

i have been vegan for around 10 months and have loved every minute of it.before that i was veggie for around 3 years or so.i really can't believe how long it took me to go veggie!i have always loved animals and hated animal cruelty (i even attempted to be veggie when i was in my early teens) but i think it was easier to close my eyes to what goes on,and eat meat.

eating meat is just purely unnecessary i feel.i can understand that others would find it hard to go vegan,it's definitely more tricky.i do find it easy now,but i'll admit (as i think most vegans would) that sometimes i would love to eat a chocolate bar,or a cake,or cheese!(i think cheese is what a lot of vegans miss!).i mean there is substitutes for each,though they're not as nice,but they're not as readily available as the dairy versions.however that said,not eating anything animal derived gives me such a buss and makes me so happy,that the pros of being vegan totally outweigh the cons.

as with eating meat,i ignored the negative sides of the dairy industry as it was purely the easiest thing to do.i don't think many people realise what goes on with the production of milk.how cows are constantly impregnated to produce vast quantities of milk,how the milk that is meant for the calves is taken away,and how the calves themselves are treated (female calves await the same fate as their mothers,and male cows are shipped off to their terrible fate to become what we call veal).we as humans do not need to do this to other sentient beings.i have always believed in treating others as we would like to be treated.imagine if this all happened to humans...the people doing it would be branded monstrous,and as murderers.the world is in a bad shape as it is,how can we ignore the plight of innocent animals that have no voices?they cannot tell us that they want to live.but they do.every creature wants to live.

so,people who eat meat...i can't judge as i too used to eat meat.but i do urge those who do,to at least look into how meat and dairy is produced.and as awful as it is,watch video footage (such as peta)...if you can then eat meat,then that is your choice.but these videos tell it like it is.the horror of the slaughterhouses can never be forgotten.is a beefburger really worth it?and veganism...it is hard at times.but i feel healthier from being vegan (i used to be such a junk food girl!),my teeth don't hurt so much (as i rarely eat chocolate,and if i do it's cocoa) and i know that no animal,in any shape or form,has been harmed to provide my meal.it's an amazing feeling.

Ask me anything

stuff like this...

http://www.bmezine.com/news/people/A10101/addsub/

makes me sick.i know we can do what we want with our bodies but this just makes me so angry...

EDIT: so apparently this article was an april fools joke by bme.ooops.I still hate voluntary amputations though.

what do i look like to you?

so the other evening,sam and i were chatting,and sam mentioned that my appearance (the tattoos and the hair namely) may be deceiving to people that don't know me (which is most people).it made me wonder how i come across to people on a daily basis?i mean,i know how i look to the random idiots on the street,because they actively tell me.all the time.and it's really annoying.their ignorance and plain lack of manners really gets to me.but unfortunately i don't think it will ever change,people are just too set in their ways.and unfortunately it seems to rub off on their spawn!
but besides all the hassle i get,i wonder what people think i'm like?i think that most likely my image could mislead people.i may have big hair,lots of tattoos and wear black...but i'm a quiet homebody at heart!i love nothing more than staying in with my boyfriend and our boys (the doglets),crafting and watching a good film.my ideal night out would be going to see a film.i do drink but not a lot these days,i've never smoked or took drugs...i'm actually quite dull.but does my appearance tell people this?i'm not sure.
i really do hope that people don't look at me and think i look miserable or intimidating because i guess my image is a little eyecatching and 'gothic'!but it's how i want to be,i don't rebel in any other ways so i guess the way i look is my rebellion.but even as i am writing this,this doesn't ring true for me,as i don't dress to rebel against others/the norm,i dress for me.
as a heavily tattooed young woman,you'd think i'd like sites such as suicide girls or godsgirls.i really don't.people say these sites empower women,and show that tattooed women are just as sexy or good to look at.i personally think they give the wrong impression of tattooed women.just because a woman is tattooed doesn't mean she has to show them to the world!it's weird because all 'normal' looking women aren't thought of in the same light as porn stars/'glamour models'.but tattooed women seem to get tarred with the same 'alternative porn' brush.like for example,burning angel...i guess it's good that the tattooed community has 'tattooed porn' but to me,i'm just not into it.don't get me wrong,i'm not against porn or nude modelling...there's so many worse things in the world (i guess before you start look into the seedy underbelly of the porn industry)...but i just find it cliched and boring.and i don't want tattooed women to all get put in the same category.
i think in short,i'm just trying to say,i'm pretty dull.i don't party.i don't go wild much.despite what i might look like.

*apologies for the extremely self-centred post,it was just something i was thinking about!

fill in the blanks friday

i love reading the lovely lauren's (the little things we do) post of this on a friday,so thought i would have a go myself!

1. If I weren't a... receptionist... I'd love to be... self-employed,doing what i enjoy the most and making a living from it!

2. When I'm super upset I... think over it over way too much.

3. My favorite thing about myself is... that i'm heavily tattooed.i always wanted to be when i was a teenager but never thought i actually would end up being so!

4. If I found a £100 in the pocket of last winter's coat I'd spend it on... a trip to the cinema,and probably some crafting materials...and clothes...and dvds.you can bet i'd make that £100 go a long way!

5. Even though some people might consider this a flaw... I love being vegan!

6. I love the way I feel when... i know my loved ones are safe and happy.it's the one thing that can worry me almost unbearably.

7. I love my hair most when it's... got it's extensions in!i don't like my 'normal' hair!

i could just eat right now

Redwood vegan hotdogs!but i kind of couldn't as it's only 10.30am and i think it's a little early for such food...
oooh,but my 'my vintage charms' parcel arrived!looky looky...all this for just a little over £20!the site sells amazing findings,accessories,pendants and other pretty things...pretty darn cheap too!i can't wait to get making some new stuff for dolly dearest!visit: www.myvintagecharms.com

and also on the dolly dearest/crafting front,mikee's friend ben called up last night to ask if i would like to have a stall at an event he is planning at one of the bars he manages in town (he manages two bars: ten feet tall, and buffalo bar),for a 3 day weekend event they are putting on to mark International Women's Day.i'm not 100% sure what he wants to do yet,but i have to email him some of dolly dearests details,like what i sell etc. and then i'm guessing we'll go from there!i will most likely take some of my work's leaflets with me as Cardiff Women's Aid normally do something over women's day,as domestic abuse (although not limited to just females)happens to so many women (and their children),every day,often for many years.and also on a personal level due to my experience with domestic violence/abuse,i want do my bit to help spread awareness.i don't think people realise how common it is.

why hello

afternoon blog followers,and how are you?:)
it has been fairly quiet at work today,which has been a nice change,as it's usually pretty hectic lately (which i don't mind either).so i've had chance to catch up on some blogs,and also look at some that i haven't seen until now.it's always nice to make new blogger friends!

but on that note,i must mention one of my followers leaving me yesterday!i am now down to 63 followers...and i can't figure out who it was that has decided to ditch me (i'm joking,i don't take it that personally!).i hope it isn't because i offended anyone,or just plain pissed them off by just being me!i know it may just be that they didn't read my blog much and decided to make it easier and take me off their following list and therefore not have to see my blog posts,but there's an insecure part of me that wonders what i did wrong!

it sounds so silly and childish,but i think most people would be like "what did i do?" at first, but like i said,i really don't take it that personally!i guess i just appreciate my lovely followers so much,it's a shame to see one go!

anyway!last night the lovely sam (honest to blog) came to stay over,as we had planned to go see 'daybreakers' at the cinema.sam and i are quite alike in that we aren't huge into going out.so we didn't.well,we went snack shopping (for the proposed cinema trip) but then decided we would just watch a film at home,and not bother with the cinema.

so,sam made us some gorgeous vegan hotdogs and beer battered chips (fries),and we stuffed our faces while watching 'i love you man'.(one of my most favourite films at the moment!)

it's lovely having sam over as she's so easy to be around (feels weird saying all this when sam is going to be reading it!but it's all praise she deserves!)and i can just veg out and not have to be on edge at all.i also love that she just toddles around in her pj's and slippers and is totally comfortable in my flat.it may be because i find it really hard to 'make myself at home' in other peoples houses,whereas i LOVE people making themselves at home in mine.makes me all warm and fuzzy.unless i don't like said people.but then i wouldn't have people in the flat that i don't like,so,yeah.but anyway,we had a nice evening.and i get the pleasure of her company again tomorrow,as i (for once!) got us free tickets to go see a film!i receive codes occassionally from a site i am joined up to,called seefilmfirst.usually by the time i type the code in,there are no more free showing spaces.but yesterday i received an email telling me that there were some tickets now available for a screening of 'the lovely bones'.i actually really want to see this,though i haven't read the book yet,so i'm looking forward to it!i remember when the book first came out and everyone seemed ro be reading it.it didn't really seem my kind of thing,but i've heard really good things about it lately so i think i will give it a try.
today is rather nice and chilled.i'm a little bit sad as i know my mom is still really ill and that she has a hospital appointment today.i really need to help her,but it's finding the £45 to get the train to wolves to see her!i really wish i was driving already,i would have been down there on the weekend if i could have!i'm okay,i just hate to think of her in pain and feeling lonely.
thankfully there's just a couple more hours left at work,and then i get to go home and relax.this is good!i have a couple of sock monkeys to make for custom orders,but i haven't made any for a while so that's cool (they can get monotonous when making lots of them!)
and here is a flyer i made for my 'vintage pretty fair'...i'm having so much fun planning and getting ready for this!

in love with at the moment

mainly thanks to finding the copy of 'lungs' that sam did for me ages ago.and also after hearing 'kiss with a fist' on the jennifer's body soundtrack.in fact,little (or big i guess...she looks kinda statuesque!?)florence is being loved more right now than my usual go-to kooky lady bat for lashes (aka natasha khan).i think it may be because more of florence and the machine's songs are upbeat and lively,whereas bat for lashes are a little more sombre (though i do love a bit of sombre!).and i LOVE the video for drumming song...the outfits,ideas and choreography (not to mention the song!) blow me away!

feeling kinda frida

so last night,i decided to start my frida kahlo/mexican/day of the dead themed necklace.i love the current trend for 'collar' style necklaces,which to me means you can basically stick loads of stuff on a necklace that you couldn't normally!here is the finished piece...



it's a little rough round the edges,as most of my makes normally are,but i was quite pleased with it.i think mikee thought it looked a little heavy to be a necklace (he didn't say that,but he looked confused,and as i thought it may be too heavy i guess i've projected that onto mikee...haha).i did test it out though and it's actually rather light.the main backing (that everything is mounted on) is only foam anyway.so besides that,it is very wearable.but i guess it's not for those that like to blend in!it is going up on folksy,and also for sale at my upcoming fairs (my folksy shop is usually pretty quiet,apart from the odd purchase... which i hasten to add,still means the world to me!).and i'm thinking if it's too OTT as a necklace,someone could always buy it for their wall?hmmm...either way,it was so much fun to make it.and i can't wait to start on my dia de los muertos/mexicana/religious inspired tins

hello monday

today i am sleepy.i wish i could be at home,sleeping.but unfortunately i am at work for the next two hours(ish) and then at 5.15 i have a driving lesson for an hour and a half.i hope i do a little better this week!i still keep getting weird feet.now,i'm gonna try explain it and see if any of you lovely lot have any tips...or if you can understand what the hell i'm on about.

it's like this.i will be doing a parallel park,or reversing around a corner,or doing a 3 point turn (i hope these manouevre names translate okay for non-british readers?!)and even though i'm not great at these anyway,i have this thing with my feet.a thing.basically,my left foot is normally on the clutch,but just the tip of the foot,as most drivers would do.but then as i'm doing the manouevre,my left foot seems to go higher up the clutch pedal (for no apparent reason) and then it feels like a real task to keep my foot from not sliding off.as the manouevres require clutch control it makes it really difficult,as my whole damn foot seems wedged onto the clutch pedal.making me feel like if i move my left foot anymore,it will slip off and the car will jolt,then stop.a couple of times i've even had to quickly pull my right foot over onto the clutch,readjust my left foot and then carry on.this always feels really risky,and mikee agrees!mikee has driven since he was old enough too,so that's over 10 years now,and i have to say,he's a pretty good driver!

anyway,i don't expect my garbled explanation to make any sense,it doesn't make a lot of sense to me!it's just really bugging me as i know this is why i'm doing so badly with my manouevres.my feet are totally distracting me,meaning i keep getting the actual task wrong!and then i get anxious and frustrated...and it all seems to go pear shaped from there.gaaaaah.sorry.

anywho,besides my driving frustration,things are okay!despite mikee and i being so broke.and worrying over my mom's illness (it's really bad right now).lack of money does get me down sometimes,but not in a way where i feel sorry for myself.more annoying really,as there's so many things that you can't do when you're short of cash.like eat yummy food.or go for a drive to the beach.or buy some more crafting supplies.or get the train to wolves to see my family.it's all stuff that will be okay once i/mikee get paid again,but sometimes it would be nice just to spend and not worry over it.

nevertheless,life is good.our home is feeling so cosy lately.bambi and bela are such lights in our lives,they make us laugh and smile on a daily basis.mikee just seems to develop into an even greater person daily,and we're getting on really well!we have cute little faux arguments,and it makes me feel like we are so comfortable with each other,that we can whine and bitch at each other,but totally in jest!there's nothing i love more than crafting whilst watching a film,with mikee at my side,and the boys on my lap (though it does make the crafting a little more difficult!).and napping.i do love napping.preferably while mikee is watching the 1000th episode of terminator:the sarah connor chronicles!

busy bee

saturday saturday

i like saturdays!especially since i changed to my awesome driving instructor (don),therefore meaning i don't have lessons on a weekend (like my old crappy instructor preferred).i used to really dislike having to work around my 2 hour lesson,which could be any random time in the day.

we got up a little earlier than usual,but it was still after 11am.we never used to sleep in so late.we do now.i guess it's because we rarely go to bed until after 12am.mikee even more so.he's a bit of a night owl,being a sound engineer and working evenings.

firstly we had a walk up to albany road,where all the charity shops are.we haven't done this for months!we used to go charity shop shopping (that always sounds wrong!)every weekend,and any other time we could inbetween.but i think we overdid it,and haven't done it for a while now.to be honest we didn't have much luck today.i was mainly looking for things i could use in my crafting,but no joy unfortunately.mikee brought a cheap microphone (always comes in handy for his engineering gigs)but it didn't work.luckily it was only £1.50!i didn't find anything for crafting,but i came away with a few books!not good really,as i already have a small pile to work through.i've been stuck on skin trade for aaaages (by laurell k.hamilton)...it's a good book but it's written in such a way that i find it difficult to get into.i'm determined to finish it though!i'm very slowly getting there!i'm normally a super fast reader,but most of my leisure time,okay,all of it,is dedicated to dolly dearest right now.

i finally decided to give the sookie stackhouse novels a try,as i found two almost new sookie stackhouse books in the charity shop.i'm not into the tv series at all,without sounding like a prude,it's a little raunchy for me...and i guess that's not really what interests me about vampires and such!but i may change my mind after reading the books.they haven't interested me before but i had a read of the backs in the shop,and actually found myself wanting to give them a try.
i also got life after god by douglas coupland,and the diving bell and the butterfly which is the memoir of french elle magazine editor jean-dominique bauby,who at the age of 43 suffered a massive stroke and developed locked-in syndrome.which means his brain and mind are active,but his body is totally paralysed,apart from his left eyelid.i've wanted to see the film for a while,so i think i may read the book and then watch the film.looks very sad,but also inspiring.

after we had walked around albany road,we walked into town,as i needed to get a few bits and pieces for the notebooks i am working on.town is always so busy on a saturday,so it was lovely to get home and relax.
i decided to have my normal fringe today,and make a little more effort with my make-up!

i love the way bambi is looking at the camera!

graze!

the other day one of my work colleagues gave me a promotional code for graze.com,which let me order a free box of their (dried and fresh) fruit/nuts/olives etc.it came today!it looked awesome,but i had picked the items that mikee would like,as dried fruit and nuts aren't really my thing!it's pretty cool getting it for free though!

new dolly dearest stock!

foggy london town

yesterday the lovely sam (honest to blog!)accompanied me to london,where i had an appointment to get some work added to the chestpiece i had done around 6 years ago.i was going to the same artist that had done it before (besides the cherries,they were done earlier by another artist).her name is saira hunjan.she is an amazing artist who works at good times tattoo,in shoreditch,just outside london city centre.when i went all those years ago (seems like another lifetime almost!) saira was based in a lovely little studio in islington,london called the family business.i wasn't entirely sure what the design to add to my chest was,but saira's work is always stunning so i wasn't worried about that!
we got there just in time for my appointment.the studio is so lovely and spacious!sam loved all the taxidermy they had in there,and i loved all the religious ornaments and pictures.the one wall had a whole shrine area,i loved it!
saira is really sweet and i was so happy with the design she had done.we decided to just keep to my chest for the 2 hours we had booked,and then perhaps start on the throat when i next book in (hopefully around march time).i was actually quite nervous about the pain,especially as my last few tattoos (feet,neck,hands) have been pretty ouchy,and it's been so long since i had my chest worked on i couldn't remember just how bad it may be!but it was actually fine,it really was.i was already kind of sleepy (sam and i had slept on the coach there) but the studio was so relazed that i felt kind of chilled out.which is a rarity for me while getting tattooed.it honestly went fine.when it did hurt i tried to keep my mind busy with thinking about my upcoming fair plans!and the other times saira was chatting to me,which definitely helped distract me!but i think also that closing my eyes seemed to help.i did it mainly as saira was so close to my face (considering the angle she had to work at) it was a little awkward!the same as when i would be standing up and she'd put the stencil on/draw extra bits on.as she's a little smaller than me,it felt like we were just staring at each other constantly!but i did find closing my eyes,and trying to take my mind off the pain really did help!i was chuffed!and once i saw the end result,i was blown away!i'm really looking forward to my next session with her.
after the appointment it was already about 3.30pm.we popped into a vintage clothes shop,where sam found a really cute dress and some pretty fabric.i ended up having to wait outside as i literally could not take listening to the shop owner and a customer saying how beautiful these vintage fur coats and wraps were that they had in there.it made me feel sick to listen to them.i hate fur and the people that buy it.vintage fur or not,it's wrong.
our coach back to cardiff was leaving at 8pm,so we ended up paying a visit to the national history museum.it was mainly sam's idea.she's a lot better with travelling around london than me,i felt bad just kind of trailing after her!we had a fab time at the museum though,and brought some awesome postcards from the museum's shop.oh,and sam brought me a yummy cherry cola lolly (so happy they were vegan!i guess they are just pure sugar though!)
by the time we got on our return coach,we were both super tired,so we pretty much napped the entire way home (it's just over a 3 hour journey).well,i know i napped most of the time,i'm not totally sure about sam,seen as i was fast asleep!
the day was finished with a lovely hot cup of tea and some biscuits.and cuddles (or cwtches as sam would say!)with bambi and bela.bliss!

* speaking of bambi and bela,wednesday afternoon,just before i was due to finish work (around 4.30) mikee text me to tell me that he had got back from an appointment in town,to find the living room turned absolutely upside down!and bambi sitting down whimpering and shivering.as soon as mikee came in bela ran off to the other room.bambi was limping and really shaken.to receive a text like that was so awful.luckily work were fine with me leaving half an hour early (once i had sorted out cover for reception) so i rushed home.i'm not sure if i have mentioned it before,but i am very lucky to live just across the road from work.i can even see the offices from my bedroom window!makes a change from when i used to catch 4 buses a day,to and from work,back in wolves!
when i got back bambi seemed to have a little limp,but soon after he seemed fine.we kept bela shut in the bathroom for an hour or so as we're pretty sure he had hurt bambi.it was horrible to think of him in the bathroom alone,but we really wanted him to know that this couldn't happen again,bambi was very lucky not to have to be taken to the vets.bela always acts very guilty when he's done something wrong.and the running off kind of gave it away!i doubt bela would have meant it (he loves bambi to bits!)but he is too rough with bambi a lot of the time,which we tell him off for.we think he just took it too far (he likes grabbing bam by the back leg with his teeth,which i always scold him for doing!) and caught a nerve maybe.once i could hear bela start to moan a little bit,i went to let him out,and bambi seemed really pleased to see him.it's cute how much they love each other!
i had been so worried when i received mikee's text though,so i am beyond grateful that bambi was okay!those two little boys mean the absolute world to me!

sam with the naughty little jackchi(he's hard to stay mad at,he's an adorable little thing!)

10 things you may or may not hate about me

my lovely sam has tagged me to tell my blog readers 10 random facts about me.so here goes!

1. summer depresses me.the sun and the heat and the long nights...i have pretty much always found it really depressing.i don't find it too bad now,especially as last summer was spent in cardiff,and mikee and i (and usually the boys) would go out and about in the car,or on foot.i know that most people feel the opposite.that winter and the dark weather makes them feel miserable...but i feel most happiest in autumn and winter.i have felt this way since i was old enough to go out to 'play' on the street i lived in,so i guess that would be around 10ish?the summer has always made me feel restless.and as i have always felt a little lonely and a little left out of things,i have always felt that i am stuck in on summery days while everyone is out and having fun.how crazy is that?!even without trying to rationalise it,summer just feels empty and lonely to me.my mom thinks it may be because pivotal moments have happened in summer (ie. my parents divorce,my time away in london and probably some other events)and my brain has linked unhappiness/upheaval to summer months.like just after i moved to cardiff and mikee had split up with me,i remember in the mornings (although it wasn't yet summer,it was quite bright first thing)i would lie in bed and feel so empty and lonely and sad...and the bright weather/sun just made me feel more so.

2. i have a twin brother called kevin.he's around 6 foot,very skinny and quite fashionable.we used to have such a connection,and would play together all the time when we were younger.that strong bond has gone in the last few years,but i think it's still there deep down.we have a very similar sense of humour.i feel very special having a twin.

3. when i was younger,i had many aspirations,and one was to be a writer.i would write pages and pages and get really into it,maybe even fill 3/4 of an exercise book in a matter of hours.then i would lose interest and my 'novel' would be left and all my enthusiasm for it gone!

4. when my beloved pet jack russell suzy died,i would write letters to her every night,and keep them in a cloth bag under my pillow.i think i did this for months,but didn't tell anyone.

5. i used to absolutely adore the film titanic.i still love the film now,but in a more rational way...you see,i loved the film that much i went to see it *cough* 19 times.yes,19 times.and titanic is a long film.you may think me crazy and very sad.but i loved it.besides loving the film,i loved going to the cinema every week,buying lots of sweets and meeting my cinema buddy alison.it was a really fun time!though i think i was a little crazy...i love the twilight films a hell of a lot more,and would watch them that many times at home,but not at the cinema.i mean i couldn't afford it even if i wanted to!i think the cinema was around £3/4 back then (i think i must have been in my early teens),but i still don't know how i afforded it!

6. i was in a abusive relationship for almost 5 years.people that say "i would never stay with someone who hit me" can't say that until they have been in that situation.looking back,i couldn't go through something like that again.but at the time,it wasn't as simple as it should have been.though i do wish i hadn't wasted so many years on one,very manipulative and nasty,person,whom i always knew wasn't right for me anyway,even from the very moment i met him.loneliness makes you very dismissive of things that may not be right.

7. my dad used to call me 'tea belly' when i was a small child,apparently i used to really like tea!

8. in my very early teens,i liked nothing more than reading.i would go get at least 10 books from the library on a saturday,lie on the settee at home and eat lots of chocolate or icecream.favourite books were sweet valley high,sweet valley twins,babysitters club,judy blume,point horror,christopher pike.
*i think i have mentioned this in an earlier post,but it is one of my favourite memories.

9. i love my boyfriend mikee with all my heart.he is the first boyfriend i have ever fully been myself with.without meaning to be crude or too personal,i can say that he is the only man ever to see me without any clothes on at all.i was never confident enough before (though i have only ever 'been' with 3 people,again it may be a little personal to say this,but i'm not ashamed to admit it,this is meant to be a blog about me!)and used to think it was me.now i know it was that i hadn't met the right person,with whom i felt totally at ease with.

10. and finally,i'm gonna try think of a super light hearted last fact,because most of them have been mega serious!
my first experience with 'social networking' online was faceparty,and my first ever profile name on there was spinspinsugar (after the sneaker pimps song,who i loved at the time).looking back,faceparty was shit.


so!i am going to tag...
1. you're the only thing i wouldn't change
2. the cat whisperer
3. jessica (pulse)
4. i bleed pink
5. socially awkward.fml.

10 things about you lovely lot please!

phew!

apologies for the lack of blogging lately (if anybody cares...still can't get used to the notion that you lovely people read my blog!),but i have been busy busy busy!and when i'm not busy,i just seem to be exhausted!

i can't say i've been up to much,besides work,crafting and organising my first ever fair.it is called vintage pretty (as you will have seen on the previous posts) and it's looking like it may be quite busy!but then again,you can't exactly count on facebook events and their 'confirmed attending'!but we can hope!altogether there will be 9 local designers/sellers,including myself of course!i have been so pleasantly surprised at the interest,and have even had to turn people down who wanted to sell at vintage pretty.i felt so mean doing so but i have to be careful we have enough room on the day...and i think we just about have at the moment!it's all super exciting,and i'm really glad i decided to organise it.i'm also looking forward to meeting new crafty people,the sellers all seem so lovely!i know a couple of people vaguely who are selling,though not very well.so yes!it should hopefully be good fun...fingers crossed anyway!

i've been watching a load of films lately.it's always good to have a film on while i'm busy making stuff!lately i have seen:teeth,up in the air,little miss sunshine and yes man.they were all awesome in their own ways,but i'd have to say little miss sunshine was my favourite!dwayne is actually amazing!it's one of those films i have been meaning to watch but never got round to...and then realising it's as good as i've heard it was (and hoped it would be!).i've always loved films,but they have become a real passion for me lately.and i can honestly say i would pick staying in with a film and good food,over going out on the evening any day!

so,besides staying in and getting busy with preparing for the three fairs i am selling at,i haven't been up to a lot.we did go to penarth on sunday though.it was actually a really bright day,and it was really busy on the seafront!mikee and i were shocked,as it has been snowy and so wintry of late!it did get very chilly later on though and the weather went back to it's normal self!i love winter though,so for me that's a good thing!

when penarth is busy,there is usually lots of people out walking their dogs (as we are).this can be a problem as bambi and bela are so antisocial and naughty!they bark and whine at other dogs they see.it's a real shame as they are the sweetest little dogs once they get to know people (though i don't know how they would be with other dogs...we've never got that far!).anyway,as we were walking to get some chips from the place on the pier,we saw a stunning papillon being walked on the beach.mikee is sure he has seen the same woman and this papillon before,when he was driving through penarth a while back.it most likely was them,you just don't see papillons very often!so bambi saw this papillon from a distance,and it was amazing...he didn't bark or growl as he normally does with other dogs...and he remained transfixed until the woman walked off the beach onto the pavement where we stood.normally we would have dragged the boys away by now,to avoid the oncoming barkfest.and bela was true to form,i even had to pick him up to try and calm him down.oh dear!but bambi trotted up to this other papillon boy and started gently sniffing him.it was amazing for mikee and i to see.i was just about to take a photo...and then bambi snapped and started yapping at this other (very puzzled by the sudden mood change i think!) papillon.we think that he realised it was another boy and that's why he started going crazy.so,it's got us thinking that maybe bambi would be okay with another dog,as long as she was female and papillon!it was a really touching moment,as bambi obviously behaved differently around a fellow papillon.it also made me realise how un-papillon like bambi is...he's even more of a fox/long haired chihuahua/pomeranian than i thought!but wow,this other papillon was magnificent,i think i fell in love that day,hehe.

mikee and bambi the antisocial papillon.

and the winner of my giveaway is...

i am just about to email you robyn for your postal address!

thank you so much all of you for entering,i will be doing another one pretty soon! the fact that you follow my blog amazes me and touches my heart at the same time!thank you so much xxxx

apologies!

my giveaway was due to happen around an hour ago!sorry for being crap...i'm gonna postpone it til tomorrow now,just so tired and busy...eeeek.will try add a little something extra to make up for the delay!x

feeling down

i miss my family:(

formspring.me

my first question!

what inspires you on a daily basis?

oooh,so much!i get very inspired by other crafty and artistic people who are doing well with their particular venture/business,it makes me so eager to succeed and perhaps even make a living out of being 'crafty'.i love so many things,it is hard to pinpoint,so here's a list of just some of the things i love,which in turn inspire me...

tattoos.baroque.ornate frames.childrens stories.dolls.veganism.old medical diagrams and words.films.gothic decorations and stories.animals.fabrics and ribbons.alice in wonderland.little red riding hood.pin-ups.mark ryden.edward gorey.marion peck.eckel (tattooist).dia de los muertes.hairbows.fruits and japanese street culture.traditional japanese culture.courtesans,maiko and geisha.books.music.carousels.sweet yet creepy.big hair.hair extensions.giftwrap.scrapbooks.vintage.brothers grimm.

wow,i can't even get anywhere near listing all my influences!there are so many amazing things to see and do in daily life.i guess if it catches my eye,it must somehow get stored in my head and eventually creep back out into my crafts/art one way or another!

thank you for the question anyway! xxx

vintage pretty

formspring

i had my first question!yaaaaay!i will answer this little gem later,as i am currently at work.i was over an hour late as i had a doctors appointment,which i'd thought was today,but was actually yesterday,eeek.luckily they managed to fit me in,and i got prescribed a bagfull of antibiotics and sprays/cream for my ears :( so much for cutting down on medication in relation to my veganism!:( and i also broached the subject of possible aggression/anger being a side effect of my antidepressants.my doctor suggested cutting down the dose,from 20mg to 15mg.i'm a bit scared of the withdrawal effects as the original dose of 30mg managed to get rid of my OCD eventually...but i'm more than willing to give it a go!

my fair is shaping up...

on a lighter note...

i saw this earlier and loved it.so awesome and so funny.michael cera can do no wrong in my eyes!

sick to the stomach

is how i feel.i feel so upset and generally unhappy with myself.even though i would rather forget about it all,i think i need to relay what happened as it explains why i feel so upset.

on my dinner hour today i popped into town as i needed to go to the bank.on the way back,as i turned the corner into our street,i saw a couple walking a staffie dog.the man who was holding the dogs lead then smacked,and i mean full-force smacked,the poor creature so hard.i mean some owners are heavy handed with their dogs,but this was unbelievable.i thought he had been smacked with a stick but i couldn't 100% tell.now,seeing this happen,rather than assessing the situation and making a judgement,my animal lover and decent human being instinct took over,and i said to the owner,"do you really have to hit him so hard?"i'm an idiot,i'm stupid,i totally was not thinking.the woman of the couple charged over,and i'm sure,was so close to kicking the shit out of me.i'll admit,i was scared.she was right in my face,and livid.i can see,even though i had the best intentions,i totally should have kept quiet.simply because it wouldn't have helped the dog anyway.this woman was crazy at me,telling me she loved her dogs and she wouldn't hit them etc.and you know what i did?for once,i backed down.and i'm glad i did,because as i said my saying something in the first place,and then arguing my point,would not help the dog.so i said sorry,i tried to explain why i had said something,but i did acknowledge why she was pissed off.and even though they did smack the poor dog way too hard,and she did overreact (i don't get scared easily),i could see why she was angry.so i apologised,and strangely enough she actually said she admired me for saying something.i think we were probably both bullshitting each other,but i felt better for being able to fix it,rather than it to get even more out of control.or resulting in me getting punched.

right,so you would think that was the main occurence today.wrong.so i carried onto my house,a little shaken,but okay.i went to open the front door,and as it often is,it was open.now i'm not overly anal about things like this,living in a house that has three seperate flats on each floor,you have to expect things like that.but i was a little miffed,as the neighbours below us had told our landlord that we kept leaving the hallway lights on and that we were 'inconsiderate'.i know this as i heard every word he said when i was about to come out of our door one evening.well,it's all bullshit,we have most likely left the light on occasionally but not every time,and we are in no way inconsiderate.i was pissed at this,as it was stirring trouble for no valid reason,and it was sneaky.the neighbour in question would be pleasant to our face,but obviously not behind our backs.luckily the landlord knows that we're not like that so he was fine about it all.

what bugged me is that this person couldn't just have a friendly word with us about it,like a grown up.for all he knew he could have got us into trouble.he claims he has to pay for the lighting in the hallway.i'm pretty sure he doesn't,that even if he does a lightbulb switched on very occasionally (ie. when leaving the building in the pitch black,therefore necessitating using it)costs pennies and that it is the landlords responsibilty to change this,as obviously this man shouldn't have to pay for communal lighting.

anyway,just as i came in the hallway,this neighbour came out his door.i asked him if i could have a word,and asked him to stop turning the light off everytime we go out.y'see we walk the dogs more than a few times a day,so in the evenings,as late as 12am,we have to pop out the front.we always lock the door,and often we are literally a few steps away from the door,just enough to let the boys have a tinkle,but not on our doorstep!so when we do this,it's comforting to have the light on in the hallway,as it's not wise to be standing out in the pitch black.we are always super quiet when going in and out at such times,and we try to disturb our neighbours as little as possible in most things.

anyway,this is getting detailed,and to be honest it's making me feel upset again.basically we ended up in a huge,very loud argument.i told him that they had done numerous things that inconvenienced us,such as the doorbell ringing at 5am the other morning for an hour (by their relative/friend).they denied this,until i told them,"you let them in".then they really couldn't lie more about that.last summer they kept us awake a few nights by listening to loud music outside after 12am.they had a satelitte dish fitted right next to our bedroom window at 8am,without having the courtesy to give us a heads up (i woke up and opened the curtain to see a random workman outside our window,not good).but the thing is,we never once complained,even if we wanted to.to all this,this neighbour who expects respect from us,said "oh,poor you.i don't care"etc.he was so close to me,i honestly felt like he might hit me.his son then came and stood next to him.i was quite literally backed into a corner.a lot of shouting and swearing ensued,until mikee came down and dragged me upstairs.he was pissed at me for even mentioning this to the neighbour,and i can see why.believe me,i wish i hadn't!i was so upset,crying non-stop and shaking.i was due back at work by that time but i knew i was in too much of a state so i text my manager and explained the situation and would be in as soon as i could.she was very nice about it which made me feel a little better.

after mikee and i had discussed it,and i had rung the landlord just to let him know what had happened,i reapplied my make-up and headed back to work.i felt like creeping past their door on my way out,a little worried it may start up again,but thankfully it didn't.

all of this has left me feeling so shaken and worried.i'm worried of any repercussions,and i would hate mikee to get shit because of me.i hope nothing else happens because of it all.

more than anything,my anger scares me.i never used to be so confrontational and i'm feeling like maybe i'm a bad person.i don't think i am.i am starting to wonder if the seroxat i'm on could be contributing to this,it's a dodgy antidepressant and it apparently can bring on crazy mood swings.all i know is i want to chill out and i don't want any more confrontations.i think i need to broach this topic with my doctor.i need to let things slide and realise some things aren't worth fighting (like a light being turned off).gah,i don't like myself today.

sorry if this is a garble.i just feel upset.

giveaway.

oi!not many of you have entered!if you want to,check out my blog just over a week back...i STILL cannot link things successfully,i'm not usually this dumb.

irritable.

my driving lesson didn't go great tonight.i could just not get the hang of my manouevres,my foot keeps slipping really far up the clutch pedal,which makes it really uncomfortable.and it's really distracting!i think maybe i'm sitting too close to the wheel again.either that,or i'm just an idiot.i think i just need to relax,i'm psyching myself out lately with my driving,and this is what happens when i do.anxiety.and not great driving.

don't get me wrong,i haven't had a bad day.i went back to work after a few weeks annual leave (holiday time),and although it sucked not being able to sleep in late and NOT work,it was also quite nice to get back to reality.it was pretty busy at work,which is good.and i had a few treats to go back to.a birthday card signed by all the staff <3,the human hair extensions i ordered a few weeks back (and stupidly didn't change the delivery address,forgetting i wouldn't be at work for weeks!),and some amazing stickers one of the managers brought me from her holiday in korea!they are so awesome and so cute...they make me giggle!





so today has been back to work and back to driving...i'm on-call tomorrow evening,i don't think any of us staff enjoy our monthly shift.i hope it's quiet,though you never can tell.you might get over 10 calls,you may not get any...it's impossible to predict!

i have a few things going on which are keeping me busy,as well as work.i'm trying to book the place my work had their christmas meal at (the promised land,in cardiff city) to host a sellers fair.i've never organised one of these before,but it's super exciting!i also have things to make for the next fashionable af'fayre in newport...as well as carry on making stock for my folksy store.i love to be busy,there's nothing quite as satisfying!

oh,and earlier i watched inglorious basterds finally.i'm not keen on quentin tarantino.his films are okay,but i'm not that fussed.however i bloody loved this film!i have to say,brad pitt stole the show!and i am totally in love with different languages and subtitles...it's so intriguing and beautiful to me.

i'm off to bed right now,i knew i'd be tired out tonight,seems like ages since i've worked,hehe.night night all.

and don't forget to enter my giveaway (a few posts back)...the draw is a week today (monday).

ask me stuff

seriously!http://formspring.me/mariamuerte

bambi looking out at the snow!

so frosty and slippery,heading into town!(that's mikee in front,i was lagging behind clinging onto a rail near the road!)it has been so cold and frosty,just before i took this photo,mikee had to help a woman up off the pavement,it was so slippy she couldn't find any grip to get up,so she was just sliding along bless her!

snowy view from one of our front windows...pretty!


i love these two photos!bela poked his tongue out on both attempts,and bambi looks so right in this hat!especially with his mane,he looks all russian and regal!

uncle and nephew!

friday,mikee and i visited his longtime friend dave and his girlfriend hayley,who has just given birth to jacob cobain.i don't normally like names like this,but i really do like this one!i think it's got a really nice ring to it and he is such a beautiful little baby.he's around 2 months premature (i think) and is so tiny!he's gorgeous!and as mikee and dave have been such close friends for so long,mikee has been named jacob's uncle!so sweet and so touching to hear dave say he considers mikee as his brother!really a heartwarming moment.

kiss with a fist

today was the event 'a fashionable af'fayre',held at a pub called Le Pub in newport,which is around 20 minutes in the car from cardiff.it started at 12 and lasted until 5pm.
i have to admit i wasn't expecting to sell much,due to the snow mainly,but also because i'm aware that unfortunately a lot of people don't realise how awesome these things are until they attend them,therefore they don't bother.i know this because i used to be the same!
anyway,we got to the pub around 11.30am,and started setting up.i've never been to le pub before,though mikee has put gigs on there and been there socially.i actually really liked the layout of it.the upstairs had some cool stalls and then downstairs was the bar and a few more stalls (including ours,dolly dearest).
the 5 hours went quite fast,and it was a nice change to have someone there with me,both to help and chat to.mikee was as good as gold,and helped me out.which earnt him some chips on the way back and a large bottle of becks beer!
i made £40 altogether which was unexpected but very welcome!with £15 of that i treated myself to a beautiful hair accessory.it was a little bit of a kafuffle as i spent ages deciding which to get (it was between a black one with one large orange butterfly on it,and a similar one but with three smaller butterflies perched on it).however,almost as literally as i handed over the money,i realised that the butterflies were made out of feather!and of course being vegan that's a no-no!so i went downstairs to my stall feeling really torn.i didn't want to be a pain and have to swap it,and explain why.but i knew i couldn't wear it with a clean conscience.so after a short while agonising over it,i decided to go back upstairs and explain!luckily they were lovely about it and even offered a refund.but i was like,"no way"!i love your stuff!i'll find something else!"so i chose a similar style accessory,but white with buttons and net and some more awesome details.so that turned out fine,but i was more than embarassed about it!although i'm nowhere near as shy and anxious as i used to be,i still can get like that!


after a little flurry of sales towards the end of the day,we decided to pack up and had taken the stock back to car for around 4.40pm.i enjoyed myself so much,especially having mikee there.and i love to meet and chat to new people,especially crafty types!
i did want to go to the cinema to see daybreakers and was thinking of using the last of the money to treat mikee and i to a cinema trip after the fair,but it was beyond cold,and i think we were both eager to get back to our boys and just veg out!besides,mikee had been to the cinema to see the road last night...he loves the book and was so excited about the film.when he got back,he was clearly blown away by it,which was good to see!it's so disappointing when a film doesn't live up to the book (like me and memoirs of a geisha...liked the film,but LOVE the book!).i'm sure i will go see it soon,as mikee wants to go again.
i am so stoked at how today's fair went,and can't wait to do it every month!it has also got me decided that i am going to try organise something very similar in cardiff,every month,but so as not to clash with the newport event.i've messaged around a few sellers,so am just waiting to hear back before i ring the venue i have in mind to enquire about booking it.exciting!
(my creepy doll mask/face kept us entertained for a while..!)




i liked the drawings on this blackboard in the pub!


* on a random note,i was thinking the other day how i write my blog...as in punctuation and grammar.even though i am pretty good with these things,for some reason i choose to write almost totally in lower case.i think it looks a little cooler.i don't know why i have something against capital letters!but just wanted to let you know,i'm not a dummy,i just choose to write like one!hehe:)